


Written in the Stars

by BraveGirl_13



Series: Written in the stars [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 16:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16558928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BraveGirl_13/pseuds/BraveGirl_13
Summary: Some say you find love where you least expect it. Who would have thought that one of your sister's worst enemies ended up being the very person who steals your heart?Rachel, Quinn, Santana and the other glee club members are just trying to survive at McKinley, but when a new face is added to the mix, everything is shaken up. This a story about life, love, heartbreak, acceptance and above all else, being yourself.Book One of the "Written in the Stars" series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ***Warning: This story will contain mentions/brief scenes of suicide, bullying and physical violence.***
> 
> I've finally decided to expand my writing horizon, and add this story to this site. The original story is posted on Fanfiction, and be found over there under the screen name (BraveGirl13). I'm not changing anything besides a few errors and will be working on posting the second book as I write/post for both accounts. So, for all the WITS fans, per your request, this story is now available on here and the second will be coming soon. Be brave, guys. ~BraveGirl_13

Ch:1

“Go over our checklist with me again? Please? Because I know we’ve been over this four times already before this morning, but I would feel much more comfortable about this whole situation if we did it again just to make sure you understand how the social hierarchy here at McKinley works. The cheerleaders, jocks and people of those statures are at the top of the food chain, while people like, well me, are at the bottom. Like if you see a sudden flash of red and white, run the opposite direction, it will spell out nothing but disaster for you, trust me. Now, checklist? Please?”  
After rolling my eyes, I popped the trunk of my car, pulling out both mine and the diva’s backpacks, letting myself smile slightly at the girl’s rant. Then again, she wouldn’t be Rachel Berry if there wasn’t a rant involved somewhere. “Sure, Rach. Go ahead.”  
“Okay. Backpacks?”  
I nodded, pulling up on the handle of her rolling pink backpack for emphasis. “Check.”  
“Sheet music?”  
“I put it in your backpack last night.”  
“Lunch money?”  
Tapping my front pocket, I nodded, drawing an invisible check mark in the air, causing the small diva next to me to smile slightly. “Check.”  
“Okay, what about a restocked slushy kit?”  
“Uh, you have one in your backpack. I did not bring one.”  
Before I could even chance a look at the girl, I knew she was giving me a panicked look. Not that I blamed her. From the stories I had been told by her, by the apparent years she’s been tormented here at school, if I were in her place, I would panic at the thought of being unprepared in this environment.  
“What? Logan, I’ve been telling you since you moved here to make sure you brought an extra change of clothes with you here. Have you not been paying attention to the things I’ve told you about this place? People are relentless here to make their status known, and they do that by throwing slushies at those who are at the bottom of the food chain, and I am the very bottom of that barrel. I’m a loser and by default, if you’re caught anywhere near me for any other purpose than to make fun of me, you will be given the title of loser as well, and-.”  
Frowning, I halted in my movements to close the trunk of my car, holding up one hand in a successful attempt to get the diva to stop talking. “Rach, I have been paying attention to what you’ve been telling me, but you apparently haven’t been listening to what I’ve been telling you afterwards. You’re not a loser. Those people? The ones who have been tormenting you for years now? They are the losers.”  
She opened her mouth, but I cut her off, closing the trunk before reaching over and taking her hands in mine. “No, Rach. Listen to me. They take one look at you and they know that you have plans to get out of this place, and the talent to make those plans happen and they envy you for it. They take their anger out on you because they know you’ll do more in one year in New York than they’ll do in their entire life here in Lima. But that all ends now that I’m here. I won’t let them harass you anymore. I’ve got your back, Rach. Okay?”  
After watching me for a few seconds, her eyes probably searching my face for any hints that I would be lying, she let out a sigh, nodding as she looked around us. “Okay. We should probably get going though, before we’re late to homeroom.”  
I smiled slightly, and after a brief argument over me taking her backpack, which I won, we were heading towards the front doors of the school. Of course, Rachel had been right about one thing. With every step we took, I could feel the eyes on me and the diva. I could also hear the quiet whispers coming from most of the other students around us.  
“Hey, Logan?”  
Tearing my attention away from the people around us, I turned to look over at Rach, raising an eyebrow. She shifted nervously for a second, eyeing the ground at her feet. “You didn’t have to say all those things about me. You also don’t have to stand up for me when we step inside those doors, you’re under no obligation too.”  
“I kinda am, Rach.”  
“Still. And I also want to say thank you. It’s nice to know someone has confidence in me and my expectations to get out of Ohio.”  
Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, I gave her a gentle squeeze as we entered the school, smiling when the nervous look disappeared from her face and was replaced with the smile I was accustomed to at home. “Oh come on, Rach. Everyone who has ever met you and sat through one of your very Berry rants knows that you’ll get out of here. It’s in your blood. Besides, you don’t have to thank me for boosting your confidence, songbird. I’m your sister. It’s what I’m here for, and it’s also makes me obligated to protect you. And I want to. If I had known things were like this before this summer, I would have asked my parents to move here sooner.”  
I let her guide us through the halls, mostly because I had no idea where we were going and I wanted to get a lay out of the school I would be attending for the next two years. When we finally stopped a row on lockers where I assumed Rachel’s was, I let her take over control of her bag, leaning against the cool metal and letting my eyes wander around as she launched into her usual paragraph about her plans for after high school.  
New York after graduation, school, Tony by 25 and all that jazz. And if I had been giving her my full attention, I wouldn’t have noticed the crowd of students parting in the hall as two rather tall guys in letter-man jackets started rounded the corner, both of them carrying plastic cups full of something. Judging by the way some of the other kids visibly flinched away them and then sighed in relief when nothing happened, I assumed they were what my sister referred to as a “slushy”. Also judging by the fact one guy had pointed to my sister, I knew at least one of them was meant for my diva, if not both of them.  
It all happened faster than I expected it to honestly. One second one of the guys was yelling out one of the names Rachel had mentioned some of the kids called her, cup already in position to be thrown when she turned, then the next he was up against the lockers behind me, the cup of frozen drink spilled in a pool at his feet.  
“What the hell man?!”  
I gripped the edges of his jacket tighter, suddenly thankful for all the boxing classes my parents had put me in throughout the years, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to re-slam the dude into the metal lockers again, this time with a little more force. “Alright, jock strap. Let’s get one thing straight, shall we? That is if you can concentrate enough with whatever brain cells you’ve been graced with after receiving so many blows to the head in whatever pointless sport you play. This is the last time I will ever see one of those things even in her general direction. If I so much as even see you looking at her, I will castrate you right where you stand with my bare hands. I’ve dealt with worse assholes than you, so don’t think that just because I’m a girl that I won’t hurt you. I’ve done it before and trust me, you don’t that to happen to you.”  
With a little more force than necessary, I jerked him away from the lockers, causing him to stumble out into the hallway and into the crows of kids who had former a war circle around us during the commotion. “Let this be a warning to everyone here! Rachel Berry is off limits now! You understand?! You mess with her, you mess with me and I mess you up!”  
Turning my attention back to the other jock, I pointed one finger at him, causing him to back away slowly. “You can tell whoever sent you what happened and what I said. Tell them my invitation extends to them as well. This ends now. If they have a problem with it, tell them to come find me and I’ll make sure it gets resolved. Got it?”  
After nodding quickly, he took off down the opposite way, all the other kids dissipating with the ringing of the bell, which caused me to turn towards my sister, who was currently giving me a look of both gratitude and shock. “What?”  
“You just…you…Logan, you could have gotten hurt!”  
I shrugged, picking up my backpack off the floor before taking the books she pulled out of her locker and wrapping an arm around her shoulder, glaring at a few kids who were staring at me with the same wide-eyed expression my sister had given me. “I could have, but I didn’t. Because I know what I’m doing. Now are you ready to start the day?”  
My sister continued to give me that shocked expression, which I found slightly humorous. Who would have ever thought the world would see the day where Rachel Berry was rendered speechless excluding out of protest or sickness? Then again, I don’t think anyone had ever disrupted the social status here like I had apparently done.  
But, then again, someone had to. So, hello McKinley High School. Be prepared for the change that is Logan Mackenzie, Rachel Berry’s half-sister.


	2. Threats and Enemies

Ch:2

“Can’t you read some other time?”  
Sighing, I marked where I was in my book before glaring at the back of my sister’s head as she led us through the halls. We had survived our first day of junior year with little attention from any of the jocks or cheerleaders. In fact, much to my amusement, they all seemed to turn the opposite direction or attempt to not make eye contact with me as I walked Rachel to all her classes today. “Hey, I don’t complain when you sing all the time. Why must you complain about me reading?”  
She chuckled, stopping outside a room I recognized from when she had pointed it out earlier. The choir room. “I guess if you are willing to put up with me expanding my horizon with doing vocal warm ups every morning and night, then I can allow you to read.”  
“Oh, don’t try and pull the whole, “it’ll help my career” thing, Rach, because I will turn around and use it right back on you. If your vocal warm ups or whatever help with Broadway, then me reading gives me insight for when I become a writer.”  
After giving me an amused look, she poked her head into the room quickly. “Whatever. There are a few other glee club members here, and I assume that since your heroic stance from this morning has spread like wildfire today, they’ll be asking questions about who you are and why I’ve never mentioned you before.”  
I gave her an eye roll, returning my attention back to my spot in my book before grabbing my sister’s hand and pulling her into the room. As soon as we entered, the whispering began, which I completely ignored until I felt someone tap my shoulder, and I glanced over my book to see a boy with incredible fashion sense smiling at me.   
“Let me guess, you’re Kurt, right?”  
The boy’s smile brightened a little as he nodded extending his hand out to me. “Yes. Kurt Hummel, nice to meet you. And you are?”  
From off to my right, I heard my sister groan before slumping down into one of the chairs in the front row, causing me to smile as I took his hand. “Are you asking who I am because I’m new or because of what I did this morning?”  
He shrugged, shaking my hand. “Both, mostly.”  
“I’m Logan. Logan Mackenzie.”  
“And you stood up to a football player because…?”  
Still smiling, I ushered around him to sit down in the empty chair beside my sister, placing my book in my lap before pointing to Rachel. “Sister.”  
I was expecting a look of shock, but the look this boy was giving me was ten times better than what I had thought I would see today. Rachel and I certainly didn’t look like sisters. The only thing about us that was even remotely similar would be our skin tones. Other than that, I shared no other appearance genes with my sister. In fact, we were the exact opposite. Rachel was short and brunette, with huge doe-like brown eyes while I was tall, blonde, and was graced with the same eye color as my biological mother, a mixture of blue and grey.   
“Rachel never mentioned she had a sister.”  
Glancing around the room, most of the kids were given me the same skeptical looks, and when the door to the choir room closed, and the last two kids walked in with a man who I assumed was Mr. Shue, I motioned for Kurt to sit down, turning my attention to the front of the room as everyone else took their seats.   
“Alright, first off guys, welcome back to another school year. Now I know we didn’t make it past Regional’s last year, but this year will be different. No more playing it safe. We’re going to Nationals this year, and we’re taking home that trophy.”  
I smiled to myself as all of the kids around me cheered, including my sister, who instantly sat up straighter when talk of National’s came around. She was in her element when it came to stuff like this. Rachel lived and breathed show choir. And I could see why.  
“But, before we start talking about National’s, we have to worry about Sectional’s, and before we can do that, I do believe I see some new faces in the choir room today, so how about we start off there?”  
My head instantly did a three sixty look around the room, searching for anyone who didn’t match my sister’s very detailed recollection of her fellow classmates. Right off the back I knew Kurt and Rachel’s boyfriend Finn. Then there was Mercedes and Artie, along with Tina and Mike. Then Noah, of course, with a blonde sitting next to him. She had to be Quinn. The icy, queen like look could only belong to her. Brittany was obvious right off the back as well, since she was whispering to Artie about unicorns and cats, and that left one other girl sitting next to Quinn. Santana, from what I could remember of Rachel’s stories. Total straight up bitch, and totally drop dead gorgeous.   
“Logan.”  
Snapping my head back around to the front of the room, I gave my sister a confused look as she ushered me out onto the floor with her, my eyes automatically glancing over everyone again. “Oh, right. I’m the new kid. Got it.”  
Rachel cleared her throat, and I took a deep breath before she started off, suddenly feeling very nervous when all eyes fell upon me. “Hello, everyone. Might I say you all look good and that I hope you all had an enjoyable summer. I would love to hear all about your adventures and what ideas you may have for upcoming glee numbers, but I-.”  
“Quit yapping and tell us who the hell this blonde chick is and why she’s going around screwing up with our slushy system, Berry.”  
I narrowed my eyes at the Latina, watching from out of the corner of my eye as my sister deflated a little. “I was getting there, Santana, if you had let me finish. This is Logan, my sister, and I think that pretty much sums up why she stopped those two football players from giving me a slushy facial first thing in the morning.”  
Almost all at once, everyone started firing out questions, their voices rising every second trying to be the first one answered. After a few seconds, and a shared look from my sister, I brought my fingers up to my mouth, piercing the room with a loud whistle that shut everyone up almost immediately. “Thank you. I understand everyone probably has questions, and we’ll try and clear this up as best we can. Now, my name is Logan Mackenzie, and Rachel is biologically my half-sister. Right around the same time Rachel’s fathers were looking for surrogates to carry their child, my parents decided to look into a sperm donor. My biological mother knew one of Rachel’s fathers in college, so they agreed to help out with the cause. When Rachel’s mom was impregnated, her father’s donated their sperm to make me. I’ve been living in Chicago for the past 17 years and my mothers and I moved here to Lima to be closer to family. I’m here, though, because I’ve recently learnt of Rachel being practically tormented over the past two years, and I’ve come to put a stop to it, which you all might have heard the incident from the morning.”  
“Wait, what happened this morning?  
Both my sister and I turned to answer Mr. Shue’s question, but one of the other gleeks beat us to it. “She put the smack down a football player for trying to slushy Rachel. It was bad ass, Mr. Shue. The guy had to weigh at least twice as much as her and she was just tossing him around like he was a rag doll. It was pretty cool.”  
Our teacher turned to give me an incredulous look, and I shrugged, waving him off. “I used to box when I was younger, and I also play softball.”  
“She also screwed up with our system. You can’t just waltz in here and not expect some kind of uproar from us.”  
I turned my attention to the Ice Queen, not at all surprised to see a glare on her face. “Actually, Fabray, I can. I wasn’t joking around this morning when I said my invitation of peace extends to you and the rest of the cheerios. You either stop tormenting my sister, or I disrupt your precious social ladder even more. You might have everyone else here afraid of you and your so called “power” you hold, but I can see through your bullshit faster than you can blink those icy blue eyes of yours. I’m not afraid of you. Any of you. Things are fixing to change. Whether you all like it or not.”  
“Okay,” Mr. Shue clapped his hands, all of the other kids turning their attention away from mine and Quinn’s glaring contest. I refused to break eye contact though, keeping my eyes glued to hers the whole time. “Now that we’ve been, uh, introduced, we can get back to the topic at hand. Sectional’s. Now, Rachel, I assume you already have some ideas ready?”  
“Yes, Mr. Shue, I do! However, I think that maybe this year we should incorporate some of the other club member’s vocal talents. I personally think that maybe we should focus on Logan’s voice, since she’s new and no one has heard her yet. Kind of like the element of surprise, almost.”  
That definitely broke my eye contact with the blonde as I turned to stare at my sister, my mouth falling open automatically. “Whoa, hold on a sec, Rach. I can’t just take the solo or anything like that. That’s not me, that’s you.”  
My sister turned her doe eyes towards me, a small smile gracing her face. “Yes, I do agree that I have the most experience when it comes to solos, but shouldn’t everyone have the chance in the spotlight? And I’ve heard you sing before, you’re spectacular, and I think-.”  
“No, seriously. I don’t want the solo. Give it to someone else. Give it to, god, I don’t know. Mercedes or Santana. Not me.”  
As soon as the words left my mouth, Mr. Shue’s face brightened up as he turned out to the group of kids who were all looking rather shocked at the discussion being held. “Wait, I have an idea. But I’ll have to save it for tomorrow’s club meeting. You guys go home and get some ideas ready for a song you’d like to see sung at Sectional’s and we’ll discuss this further tomorrow. Have a great day guys. See ya tomorrow.”  
Everyone began to pile out of the room, each talking excitedly with the other about solos, songs and whatever else concerning glee club. However, two people still sat in their respective seats, neither of them moving.   
“So I take it this is your guy’s way of saying you wanna talk?”  
Quinn shrugged, standing up from her chair and pulling a nail file out of god knows where. “Let’s just say your message was heard loud and clear…Logan, was it? But the cheerios would like to send you a message as well. You can either back down this martyr of a road you’re traveling, or you can keep going and I’ll make sure Man Hands gets the proper loser treatment. This is my school. My voice is law. Understand? And if you don’t understand, then I’ll make sure my second in command gets that point across.”  
She ushered her hand out to Santana, who was copying Quinn’s movements from earlier, a nail file busy working its way across her already perfect nails. The Latina gave me a snarky look before returning to her task on hand. I could practically feel my sister shrinking next to me, but I stood my ground, eyeing the blonde in front of me. “Did you not hear what I said earlier? I’m not afraid of you, Quinn. Anything you throw at me, or whoever you throw at me, I can handle it. This might be your school, for now, but you don’t own me. Or my sister, so cut the bullshit and grow up.”  
After letting out a frustrated groan, she stomped off, Santana following suit, her eyes doing a once over as she passed me before she rolled her eyes. “Nice shirt.”  
I glanced down at my Fall Out Boy shirt, raising an eyebrow before looking over my shoulder at the Latina. “Nice legs.”  
With one last glare, she was out the door behind Quinn, leaving me and my sister alone in the choir room. Neither of us said anything, myself choosing to watch the door the two girls had disappeared through, while my sister continued to stand off to my left, quiet as a mouse.   
“Well, that was interesting.”  
I nodded, my eyebrows pulling together as I bent down and grabbed both of our backpacks before turning to look at her. “Yeah. Are you read to go home?”  
After receiving a nod from her, I let her lead us through the hallways, my mind wandering back to the conversations held in the choir room. With Quinn’s threats and the apparent “power” she held here at the school, it could be quite possible that she could see her plans through. I, of course, could handle Quinn, and possibly Santana. But to take on both of them and all the jocks and the cheerios by myself?   
“What are you thinking about?”  
I gave my sister a small smile, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as we headed out into the school parking lot, my eyes automatically moving over to where the two girls who had currently occupied my thoughts were leaning against their own cars, their full attention on us. “You remember that old saying, Rach, where they say to keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?”  
The short brunette nodded, sliding into the passenger seat. “Yeah?”  
I hesitated outside the driver’s door, chancing one last glance at the other girls across the parking lot. Quinn had occupied herself with whatever inside her car, while Santana continued to stare out at in our direction blankly, causing me to sigh before sliding into my seat. “I think I understand what they meant by that now.”


	3. The Truth Comes Out

**Ch:3**

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused me to jump, my shoulder bumping into my locker door and causing it to shut with a loud slam and for me to turn and glare at the culprit. Glaring was something I had been doing a lot of lately…

“What the hell, guys? I could have turned around and knocked you out.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow, shrugging one shoulder with enough sass to knock over a full grown man. He could seriously give Rachel a run for her money. “But you didn’t.”

I rolled my eyes, (something else I had also been doing a lot lately) turning to re-open my locker and return to my original task of collecting my AP Biology book. “What the hell do you guys want anyway?”

“We want in.”

Frowning, I closed my locker, turning my attention to see almost every member of the glee club standing around me in a semicircle. “In what?”

“Your crusade rampage, Mackenzie. It’s about time someone stood up for us.”

Shaking my head, I started off down the hall, letting out a sigh. “I’m not on some rampage to be some kind of hero or anything, guys. I’m standing up for my sister, the same sister that you all have treated like dirt. Quite frankly, I could care less about you all.”

“This isn’t about that. You might have started this for her, but it’s turned into something bigger now. There’s talk. From Quinn and the cheerios about a plan to show you your place.”

I ignored the overly dressed boy, continuing down the hall. “Let it rain and storm, hell, let a damn tornado tear through the halls. I’m not afraid of Quinn Fabray or her preppy little cheerleaders.”

“Even if her plan is to take it out on Rachel?”

My feet almost halted immediately, my head snapping around before the rest of my body could as I practically sprinted back up the hallway and grabbed the boy, backing him up against the lockers. It wasn’t with as much force as I did the jock two weeks ago, but it was enough to make the boy let out a squeak of surprise. “I’m not playing games here, Hummel. My sister is not something I’d gamble on. What to do you know?”

He cleared his throat, holding is hands up as if to show me he meant no harm. “I understand. I don’t want anything to happen to Rachel either. That’s why we want to help you. If we can show she has support, then they’ll stop bullying the rest of us. I personally want this to stop. I want to be able to walk down the hall without fear of some jock treating me like a rag doll just because I like boys. Please, just hear us out.”

After watching the boy carefully for a few seconds, I let him go, glancing around the hallway to see a few of the students staring, whispers being thrown around us like rocks. “Fine, but we don’t talk here. If you’re all serious about this, if you want me to listen, then you can come over tonight and we’ll talk.”

Tina slowly raised her hand, and if it this wasn’t such a serious matter, I would have found the fact that she felt like she needed to act like she was in class hilarious. “You don’t have to raise your hand, Tina.”

She lowered it back down, stepping further inside the semicircle they had formed. “Why at your house?”

“Because that’s how this is gonna go. You all came to me, remember? You’re not in any position to be making suggestions.”

After each person in the group shared a look with each other, they all agreed to meet at my place around seven before we all dispersed into the crowded hallway to continue with the rest of our day. I, myself, stood by my locker, watching each person disappear, frowning at the meaning in itself.

I never meant for it go this far. This was meant to be nothing more than me making sure no one stomped on my sister’s dreams and caused her to give up on said dreams. I’m no martyr. I’m no one’s hero.

Pushing myself away from my locker, I started off down the hallway right as the bell rang. I paid no attention to the kids shuffling around me, my mind wandering back to three years ago in Chicago, when I hadn’t been successful in my attempts to save someone that I loved. It had barely registered in my mind that my path was fixing to cross someone when my body practically slammed into someone else’s causing my books to scatter on the floor at our feet.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention,” I basically mumble as I drop down to the floor to gather the books, separating the two as I went.

“Just watch where you’re going next time.”

I instantly froze upon hearing the voice, my eyes slowly glancing upwards until I met a certain Latina’s usual glare, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared down at me. Picking up the stack of books that didn’t belong to me, I shoved them at her, wondering how in the hell was the universe so capable of making my life this constant hell. “Oh, it’s you. I take back that apology then.”

“Oh really?”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, I waved the Latina off, feeling my frustration grow with every passing second. “I’ve wasted better apologies on someone who deserves them less than you do, _your highness_.”

Much to my surprise, instead of some usual snarky comment, the Latina just chuckled, shaking her head as she started off around me. “Just for the record, I wasn’t trying to be a bitch just now. I was just saying maybe you should pull your head out of your ass before you or someone else gets hurt by you practically running over them in the hallway.”

“I’m the one with my head in my ass? Might wanna take a look in that mirror Santana. Or are you too afraid it’ll shatter under the weight of all your bull shit?”

Surprising me, again, the Latina laughed, waving her hand once over her shoulder before she rounded the corner of the hall and disappeared out of sight, leaving me to stand in the middle of the hall trying to wrap my head around what the hell just happened. Did I enter into the twilight zone just now? Or was Santana Lopez actually not being a bitch for once?

Could this day get any freakier?

 

* * *

“So what exactly did they say they wanted to talk to us about?”

Holding the door open, I allowed my sister to walk into the house before me, tossing my house keys on the hallway table. “Just about this whole thing with me trying to stop you from getting slushied. I think they’re wanting to extend it to the whole glee club.”

Rachel’s eyebrows disappeared into her hairline as she walked further into the living room, placing her overnight bag on the couch. “I still think you shouldn’t be as protective over me as you are. I’m perfectly fine. Getting slushied doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.”

“It affects you, Rach. I can see it.”

“You could still back off a little, I mean, what’s the worst that Quinn could do?”

Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, I motioned for Rachel to drop the subject as my mother appeared, a small smile on her face. “I thought that was Rachel I heard. How are you doing sweetie?”

My sister visibly brightened up, walking over to hug the woman. “I’m good, Aunt Cate. How are you and Aunt Ella?”

“We’d be better if we saw you more. Are you getting taller?”

Even I snorted at that question, earning a glare from both my sister and my mother. “What? Oh come on, Mom. Rachel hasn’t grown in three years. She’s short. Accept it.”

“She has a point, babe. I think we’ll just have to accept the tallness gene is in your DNA and not Hiram’s.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as my other mother walked into the living room, newspaper in hand and only putting it down long enough to place a kiss to both Rachel’s and my cheek as she passed by each of us.

“I still say she’s grown.”

“Okay, changing the subject from Rachel’s height difference-.”

“Or lack thereof,” my mother piped up from the couch, her eyes never leaving the page of the newspaper she was reading.

I smiled, picking up Rachel’s bag. “Agreed, anyway, we have a few…friends coming over later around seven. Is that alright?”

My mother shrugged, walking over to sit down by her wife on the couch, glancing at the clock on the wall as she did so. “That’s fine, baby. You want us to just send them down to the basement when they get here?”

Nodding, I quickly walked over to my moms, placing a kiss to each of their cheeks as I mumbled a thank you before practically dragging my sister down the stairs to the basement, where she instantly plopped on the couch. “So…do you planning on telling everyone why you’re so headstrong about stopping the bullying situation?”

My whole body froze at my sister’s words, my hands halting in their movements to pull a movie out of the vast expansion next to the TV. “Rachel.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. If anyone does tonight we can just tell them some kind of story that somehow parallels our situation. Perhaps I can make a chart or something before they get here that can prove if we rise against Quinn and her cheerios, then we might have a chance at gaining popularity and becoming the head social network of the school. Or-.”

“Rachel, stop rambling. You don’t need to make a chart,” I continued my previous actions, sliding the DVD into the player before moving to sit down beside my sister on the couch, a sad expression etched on her face. “Everything will be fine. If they ask then I’ll tell them. It’s not like I can hide it.”

“You shouldn’t have to explain that to them. It’s none of their business.”

Shaking my head, I reached over to grab the diva’s hand, squeezing slightly. “No. If they’re serious about this, and I mean really serious, then they need to know why the bullying has to stop. They need to know why I’m doing this, and what can happen when you don’t try and stop it.”

Silence fell between the two of us, the movie playing casually in the background. One glance at my sister and I could tell she wasn’t watching the movie either. Where her head was, I couldn’t tell, but mine kept repeating last year’s events over and over in my head like a bad song caught on replay. Like a scar, something stuck with you forever.

“Logan, baby, your friends are here!”

My eyes glanced at the clock on the wall before I let out a sigh, squeezing my sister’s hand that was still attached to mine. “Ladies and gentlemen, let the games begin.”

My sister chuckled, letting go of my hand to stand up as the first few glee club members ventured into the basement, all of them looking rather perplexed at their surroundings, each mumbling their hellos to both me and Rachel. I gave them all a few seconds to look around the room before clearing my throat and sliding off the couch. “Alright, can we just go ahead and get this over with? Take a seat, guys.”

After closing the door, and waiting for everyone to take a seat somewhere in the room (I shouldn’t have been surprised they all sat in a semi-circle in front of the couch), I took my seat again next to my diva, ushering for someone to start.

Almost instantly, everyone, besides a select few, rose their hands and I raised an eyebrow as I started with the person next to me, silently watching with amusement as Tina pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. “I have a few questions, actually, if that’s alright?”

I couldn’t help but smile, nodding to her. “Ask away.”

“Okay, so first off, is this just some kind of power struggle for you? Like are you just doing all of this to climb the social ladder?”

Snorting, I shook my head before leaning against the couch arm. “No. In all honesty, I could care less about being popular. I’ve learnt over the past few years that it doesn’t really matter what other people think of you, just as long as you’re doing what you feel comfortable doing and you have the support of those closest to you nearby.”

“Good, because the last thing we need is another power hungry diva. Next question, how in the hell did you manage to shove that jock up against the locker?”

I pointed across the room where my boxing gloves and bag were hanging. “My parents put me in boxing classes when I was younger and we still lived in Chicago. I don’t take them anymore, but I still keep up with it.”

Tina smiled, holding a hand out towards Kurt, who rolled his eyes before pulling out a wad of cash and handed it over to her. “I won.”

“Won what?”

Kurt sighed, crossing his arms dramatically. “We had this bet going that you were some kind of boxer or athlete or something.”

“Oh, well, I do play softball.”

“Ah ha! Tina, give me my money back, neither of us in that bet.”

I rolled my eyes at the two, snapping my fingers to pull the conversation back to its original topic. Tina nodded quickly, glancing at the paper in her hands. “Right, sorry. Final question. Why are you doing all of this anyway? Why is it so important to you that you stop the slushies?”

From out of the corner of my eyes, I saw my sister give me a wary look, her bottom lip finding its way between her teeth as she chewed on it nervously. I let out a sigh, standing up off the couch and slowly walking towards the bookcase holding all the movies and CDs. I carefully reached towards the top, my fingers searching for a few seconds until it came in contact with a piece of parchment that felt all too familiar. I glanced over the item in my hand before walking back to the group of gleeks and handing the paper to Tina. “If any of you rip this or harm this in any way, I will personally tear every single one of your heads off, understand?”

They all nodded as Tina read over the paper, a frown settling on her face. “I don’t understand. Why are you showing us a funeral program?”

I sat back down next to my sister, suddenly very thankful that her hand found mine as soon as I sat down, giving me silent strength to confess to this part of my past. “That is Nicole. I met her my freshman year of high school in Chicago. She became my best friend rather quickly, and less than a few months later, we began dating.”

Ignoring the shocked looks I was currently being given, I tightened my hold on my sister’s hand, my eyes dropping down to my lap. “People at my old school were really tough on kids that were gay. Nicole and I, like the few other kids there that were openly out, were picked on relentlessly by most of the school. As I’m sure you all noticed already, I have two moms, so it kinda comes with the territory, so I could handle the comments and the everything. Eventually, most everyone realized that I wouldn’t get upset by the bullying, so they basically stopped picking on me. In doing so, the heat was given to Nicole. She wasn’t out to her parents yet. She was so afraid of what would happen if they found out. She was terrified they’d hate her, so she kept it all from them. And from me. I never knew how bad it had gotten until I found her one day after school in her room, with a bottle of pills emptied out and suicide letter by her bed. I didn’t protect her the way I should have, and I lost her because I was a coward and afraid to stand up to any of them.”

When I pulled my eyes back up, I was met with a few teary ones. I had long ago ran out of tears to cry when thinking about the girl I had loved and lost. “That’s why I want to stop them from bullying Rach. That’s why I’m doing this. This isn’t some game to me. It’s not a way for me to gain power. It’s so that someone doesn’t have to live through that kind of hell. If you all want to help, then you help. I don’t condone violence; I only use it if I have to. I’m not saying to go around and beat up every jock you see with a slushy filled cup. That doesn’t make you any better than them. What I am saying is that if more of us stand up to them, the more numbers we have, the better. They’ll back down, they always do. You can’t be afraid to stand up to them. If we don’t. No one will, and someday, something like this will happen again and I’ll be damned if I let that kind of weight sit on my shoulders because odds are, it’ll crush me.”

No one said anything, a few of them were patting their eyes while others reached out to hold their respected significant other’s hands. After a few minutes of silence, Kurt stood up, holding it hand out to me. “If you have our backs, we have yours. No more fighting. I personally want this to stop before someone gets hurt.”

The rest of the group vocalized their agreements, causing me to smile slightly despite the fact my chest felt like it was going to cave in on itself. I quickly took Kurt’s hand, reminding me of the moment I met the boy a few weeks ago in the choir room. “Alright then." 


	4. Biology, Brown Eyes and Drowning

**Ch:4**

“Ms. Mackenzie, might I say your recent scores from your science classes in Chicago were quite astounding. I hope you don’t mind that I paired you up with my best student in this class. I’m sure the two of you can accomplish much. Possibly be a shining beacon to those around you, see what a little hard work can do. You’ll be paired up Santana Lopez.”

I must have had a look of pure astonishment plastered on my face, seeing as Mr. Danvers raised an eyebrow at me before motioning with his pen towards the opposite side of the room, where the Latina was sitting with a look of shock that I’m sure just about matched my own.

“Is there a problem, Ms. Mackenzie?”

Shaking my head, I quickly gathered my things before making my way to the empty seat next to Santana, noticing how her shocked expression had quickly changed back to the infamous scowl she basically wore constantly.

More minutes passed as the rest of the class was paired off and handed a project packet, which I was suddenly thankful for. With five minutes left in the class, I could easily spend it reading over the numerous projects we would be doing this year and successfully avoiding the always angry girl next to me.

“This is bullshit.”

_So much for avoiding a conversation with her…_

“What is? Your attitude or that I’m stuck with you and said attitude for the rest of this school year?”

From out of the corner of my eye, I saw her eyes narrow at me as her mouth opened to probably spout off some bitchy comment back at me. I beat her to it, placing the packet down on the lab table rather forcibly, causing the girl to lose the scowl slightly. “Listen, can we not do this Santana? It’s already been established that you don’t like my sister, so therefore; I don’t like you. Let’s just sit here for the remainder of class and read over this stupid packet so we can avoid a contest to see who can insult who the best. After that, we part ways and I don’t have to worry about you for the rest of the day. Can you do that?”

The Latina stared at me for a few seconds before picking up her own copy of the packet. “Has anyone ever told you that you ramble exactly like Berry? You two may not look alike, but after meeting you, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re related.”

I let out a sigh, dropping my head down on the lab table, the packet long forgotten. “Oh my god, do you never give up?”

From off to my right I heard the girl chuckle, but I refused to pick my head up off the table. Hopefully she’d get the hint and leave me alone.

“I just hope you don’t have the same taste in guys. It’s already bad enough there’s you and her, but two Finns? Hell no.”

I couldn’t help but let out a light laugh at the girl’s comments. She did have a point. Don’t get me wrong, Finn was a good guy, and from what I had seen he treated my sister fairly decently. Finn was just…a little off when it came to common sense and coordination. “Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that. Guys aren’t exactly my piece of pie, Lopez.”

It was quiet for a few seconds, and I moved my head slightly at the unusual silence only to be greeted by, yet another, shocked expression given by her. “Why are you looking at me like I just grew a third head, Lopez?”

She instantly schooled her features, her eyes dropping back down to the packet in her hands. “Nothing. You just never crossed me as the kind of girl to be…”

Raising an eyebrow, I lifted my head up slightly, resting my chin on my crossed arms. “…Into other girls?”

She nodded slightly, never taking her eyes off the papers. I watched her carefully for a few seconds before sitting up and plucking the packet out of her hands. “You’re not gonna be an even more ruthless bitch because I’m gay, right? Because if you plan on it, we’re gonna have more issues than before.”

She scoffed, taking the papers back from me. “I’m a bitch, yeah, but I’m not low enough to get offended over the fact that you like the vagina. That’s none of my business or my concern.”

The bell rang overhead, but neither me or the Latina made any movements, both of us just staring at the other. Eventually I sighed, sliding out of my chair. “I didn’t mean to just assume that you’d not be cool with it. It doesn’t really matter if you were or not. I was just asking because we’re stuck with each other for the rest of the school year. I’m sorry, alright?”

“I don’t need your apology. It’s not like you offended me or anything. Don’t you have somewhere you have to be anyway? Anywhere that doesn’t include aggravating me more than your presence already does?”

I shrugged, backing away from the lab table slowly, a small smirk appearing my face. “Bye, Santana.”

Without saying anything, I walked out of the classroom, slightly amused by my recent conversation with the girl. It was until I reached my sister’s locker, where the diva was organizing her books that I realized I was still smiling.

“What has you so happy? Has something cute caught your attention?”

I rolled my eyes, leaning against the lockers next to her, forcing the smile off my face. “No. I don’t think I’ll be able to look at anyone like that for a while. I was only amused because my biology teacher paired us up today with our partners for the year and guess who I’m stuck with?”

“Who?”

“Santana Lopez.”

My sister’s eyebrows raised as she closed her locker and rested against it next to me. “Well. I’m sure that was interesting, but I’m not sure where the amusement part comes in. Did something happen after you paired up with her?”

“No, I just thought it was funny that we were paired up together is all.”

Rachel frowned, her eyes watching me for a few seconds. “Alright. Are you ready for Glee or do we need to stop by your locker?”

Shaking my head, I followed after the diva, shaking all thoughts of my biology partner out of my head as she led us off towards the choir room. As per usual, we were the first to arrive, and I was thankful my sister occupied herself with a stack of sheet music on the risers. I took a seat on the piano bench, one hand gliding across the keys effortlessly for a few seconds before a familiar melody began to drift from the instrument.

If I hadn’t been so distracted by the music, I would have noticed the rest of the glee club piling into the room. My mind was too busy preoccupied with flashes of memories from my past.

The year Nicole died was pretty much nothing but a blur. I could vaguely remember being happy with her. Feeling loved by her. Feeling like I had found a place where I could be myself without fear of someone pulling away, or treating me differently for simply loving someone.

I remember the teasing. How it all started with stares while walking down the hall. Then it progressed to whispers, and rumors about how it was all fake. Like it was just a phase, or some guy had tried to sleep with us and we turned him down by saying we were gay. I remember people watching my every move, like I was some kind of science anomaly…like a lap rat that had grew an extra tail after being exposed to radiation. But I held my head high. I took it all in strides, and cried when no one was around, and faced it all again the next day until they eventually stopped…until they turned on Nicole.

I remember flashes of her running down the halls with tears rolling from her eyes. I remember her telling me how unfair it was, how she wished she could go back and change herself, just so she could feel normal.

I remember the days where she would skip school, where I wouldn’t see her for days on end, how I would feel so awful that I couldn’t make it stop for her.

I remember calling her, my fingers dialing her number like they’d been doing it since I could walk, and getting no answer. I remember deciding I was going to suggest what we could do to make it better, what I could do to help…how I was going to tell her that no matter what happened, I would always be on her side and I would always love her…and I remember finding it odd that the front door of her house was unlocked after school. I remember hearing the TV blaring some stupid show upstairs…I remember opening the door to her bedroom and seeing the bottle of pills dumped all over the floor…and her…the love of my life laying across her bed…dead.

After that I don’t remember much. All I could tell was that my throat hurt, so I assumed it was from screaming or crying, or a combination of both. I don’t remember calling 911, but I remember paramedics carrying me from her room. I remember my parents, with tear stained cheeks saying something to me, but it was nothing more than white noise, noise with a single ringing that was muffling the world around me.

I remember the last time I played the piano. Nicole’s mother had asked me to play at her funeral, and I remember my eyes being fully entranced by the sight of the casket and my body shaking so violently that I ended up failing at playing, and instead chose to sob uncontrollably on the piano bench for a few seconds before someone pulled me away and out of the room.

Darkness, I guess would be the best way to put it.

School wasn’t an option, seeing as my first week back I broke a girl’s eye socket when she made a crude remark about being gay, so I was home schooled for a while. Rachel was there, her dads flew her out over Christmas break in a failed attempt to get me to communicate with someone. But I refused to. There was no point in it anymore…

There’s no point of any of this…of life…

“Logan.”

With a strangled gasp, I was pulled out of my head by my sister’s voice, my fingers pressing down on the cool piano keys in an odd fashion, resulting in a god awful combination of tones. My eyes slowly pulled up to meet a blurry version of my sister, and I blinked away the tears before pulling my hands away from the keys. “I’m sorry.”

My sister shook her head, placing her hands on my shoulders and squeezing slightly. “You don’t have to apologize. Are you feeling up to staying for glee or would you rather go home?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out, so I opted to glance around the room. All the rest of the gleeks were watching me carefully, some with confused expressions while others just stared at me sadly.

“It’s okay if you want to go home. Missing one day of glee won’t hurt us or them.”

Shaking my head, I reached up with one hand to cover one of my sister’s over my shoulder, squeezing slightly. “No, I want to stay. I told myself I wouldn’t let this stop me from living my life as normally as I could. I promised…I promised her I wouldn’t do that…so we’re staying.”

Rachel nodded once, squeezing my hand back before walking over one of the two empty seats in the front row. With one last glance at the staring eyes around me, I followed suit, not surprised when my sister’s hand found mine after I sat down.

The rest of glee faded into the background, Mr. Shue’s talk of sectional’s and solos becoming nothing but a murmur until a movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and my head turned slightly to see a pair of concerned brown eyes watching me from the back of the room.

Somewhere inside of me, something happened. For once, all the pain and confusion…the anger…it dissipated at the sight of those brown eyes and how much concern they held in one glance. Almost like coming up for a breath of air after being held under water for too long and feeling a sense of relief.

But also feeling the numbing pain of your lungs experiencing oxygen.

Relief and pain.


	5. Fight Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, in this chapter, there will be more than one POV, but I've broken that up into sections and labeled under who's POV that part is written in.

**Ch:5**

**Santana**

The sound of a cup falling against the floor was what first caught my attention. Seeing one of those brainless assholes being shoved against a locker by some blonde chick? Priceless. What sucked about it all was this insanely hot blonde was Berry’s sister.

Who would have thought the world could survive with two of those walking around?

Then again, since Logan showed up, McKinley’s social order kind of crumbled to the ground. So I guess the world really can’t handle them.

But I mean this girl was freaking everywhere. I expected her to join glee, I mean, for god’s sake, she’s Berry’s sister. Doesn’t that come with the territory? But she’s also running into me in the hallway, being paired up with me for Biology and it’s like around every corner, she’s there mocking me for being openly gay.

Let’s face it. I’m in love with Brittany, and she’s never gonna know it because I don’t have the balls to come out and say it. Not that it would matter if anyone had a problem with it or not. I’d just pull out some of my Lima Heights Adjacent and get some hurt on. I’m still one of McKinley’s best bitches, and I don’t think anyone would actually be stupid enough to mess with me because of it.

But still…

Besides, it wouldn’t matter anyway. Brittany is dating Wheels. Not me. And Logan, she’s…a whole different ball park that I’m not even going to attempt to understand…

“Santana.”

A hand flying in front of my face pulled me out of my head, and I glared at my lab partner next to me. “Okay, keep your hands out of my face. I don’t know where they’ve been, and I gots to keep my face looking smokin’, got it?”

Logan rolled her eyes, sliding the lab paper over to me. “Would you just pay attention and get to work? I’m not about to fail this class because you can’t pull your head out of your ass and care about something other than your appearance.”

I raised an eyebrow, scribbling down a few answers and observations quickly. “Do you always care this much about grades or are you just wanting to get this over with so you don’t have to be around me anymore?”

The blonde smiled slightly, exchanging slides out of the microscope. “No, Santana. I care very much about my grades. Getting away from you would just be a perk.”

“Funny.”

Logan’s smile never vanished, even as the bell rang and she started to pack up her things. “Yeah, well I’ve been told I’m a very hilarious person. So thanks. I’ve already been through the slides, so I’ll take the sheet home and finish it. You can sign off on it tomorrow morning. I’ll see you later.”

She started off out the door, leaving me still sitting in my seat at the lab table for a few seconds before I started off after her. Screw if Quinn or anyone saw me “talking to the enemy” or whatever. It’s all nothing but bull shit anyway.

“Logan! Wait up!”

The blonde glanced over her shoulder, stopping in the middle of the hallway, frowning. A few of the other kids in the hall were staring at me with confused looks. But, yet again, it’s nothing but bull shit.

“Something wrong, Santana?”

I took deep breath when I caught up to her, shaking my head. “No, I was just wondering why you didn’t tell anyone that you could play piano?”

She raised an eyebrow, starting off down the hall with me following. “Should it have mattered that I knew how to play?”

“Maybe. If it’ll help us in competitions then, yeah. You could have mentioned it.”

As we rounded the corner of the hallway, a few doors down from the choir room, Logan laughed lightly. “Sorry, but I haven’t exactly played in a while.”

“You did Tuesday.”

Logan’s hand reached out to grab my wrist, forcing both of us to stop outside the choir room. From this spot I could tell that Berry was already inside, along with Kurt, Wheels and Britt. They were all singing some stupid tune I couldn’t recognize. My attention was too busy focusing on the girl in front of me with a look on her face that I recognize as the same look she wore earlier this week. She looked like a five-year-old, one that just realized you kicked their puppy. And damn did I want more than anything to make that look go away…just like before.

“I guess you and the rest of Quinn’s followers were going to find out sooner or later. Just don’t…don’t use this as ammunition against my sister, okay? Besides, maybe if you know the truth then you’ll back off a little.”

I shook my head, ready to ask her what she meant when I felt myself being pulled away from the choir room and into an empty room down the hall.

“What are you doing?”

The door to the classroom shut, and I turned to see Logan leaning against it, her eyes glued to the floor underneath her feet. “I haven’t played in two years. It’ll be two years next month.”

Shaking my head, I started to say something, again, but I was cut off, again, by the blonde. Her sad, blue eyes turned towards me, tears threatening to spill over. “Don’t say anything, okay? I’ve already told this story once in a week’s time, I really don’t want to repeat it if you’re not listening.”

Confused more than ever, I nodded, leaning back against one of the desks. “Okay. I’m listening.”

She nodded in return, taking a deep, but shaky breath. “Okay, uh, like I said…I haven’t played the piano in a while. The last time I played, it was at a funeral. My, uh, girlfriend’s funeral. Now, before you make some rude remark, Chicago is a battleground. She was picked on, a lot, for being gay. We both were. She couldn’t handle it, so she killed herself. That’s why I’m here. To make sure I don’t lose my sister the same way I lost her. You and Quinn torment all these people, and sooner or later, someone is bound to get hurt. So you can tell Quinn everything I just said. Hell, I’ll even show you all the texts and messages and letters from the people who forced my girlfriend to empty a bottle of pain pills. But so help me god, Santana, I need you to back off Rachel. Please.”

A few minutes passed before either of us said anything else. I had to admit it was a good silence. Comfortable. Not like one of those times when you’re forced to be around someone you really don’t like and you just sit there until you’re free. No. With Logan, it was like the quiet you’d want after a long day.

“I’m gonna talk to Quinn, and ask her to back off whatever this is she’s doing.”

Logan’s head snapped up, a frown settled on her face. “What?”

I sighed, letting my eyes roam up to the ceiling. “You told me some creepy background story, now I guess I owe you. So I’m going to tell you something about myself, and if you tell anyone about it then I will find you and-.”

“Go all Lima Heights on my ass, yeah, I get it. You’re a bad ass who can hurt someone. What the hell could you possibly tell me that I could hold over your head?”

Glaring at the blonde, I crossed my arms over my chest, keeping my eyes trained on the girl in front of me. “I’m gay.”

Out of everything I was expecting from the girl, a laugh was the last on the list. “What? Why are you laughing at me? This is serious, Logan!”

The blonde cleared her throat, her laughing becoming nothing more than a light chuckle. “Sorry. I know coming out is hard and I probably shouldn’t have laughed, I’m sorry. But you being a lesbian isn’t exactly a surprise, Santana.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Are there rumors? I swear to god, if it was one of those brainless, steroid-loving jocks I will rip their balls off and shove it so far down their throat that they-.”

“Whoa, calm down. There’s no rumor of you being gay, Santana. That’s not what I meant, okay? It’s not that hard to figure out if someone else is gay if you’re already playing for that team. Not to mention the way you look at Brittany whenever she’s with Artie kinda makes a person question it all.”

I let out a sigh, feeling my glare drop. “Is it that obvious?”

Logan shrugged, smiling slightly. “As far as I know, nobody else knows. Maybe a few of them suspect it, but there’s never been any talk of it. They’re probably too afraid you’ll cause them bodily harm.”

Even I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Being the head bitch had its perks. “Yeah. I could totally see that.”

The same silence from before fell over us again, and before I knew it, the door to the classroom opened, causing me to glance up and see the blonde holding it open. “We should probably head to glee. By now, most of the other members are there. If we stick around any further they’re going to think we killed each other.”

I smiled slightly, nodding as I followed her out of the classroom and down the hall towards the choir room. I didn’t bother to stop when we reached the door, not surprised that Mr. Shue was already rambling off about some Journey song or something else equally boring. It also wasn’t surprising that everyone’s attention turned to me and Logan as we entered the room. Side-by-side. 

Out of everyone’s reaction, the blonde’s sister was the best. Seeing Berry with an even more dramatic look of shock on her face. Oh yeah, totally worth it. “Relax, Rachel. I didn’t hurt your precious sister or anything like that. I was late and so was she and we just happened to get here at the same time. Calm your tits.”

From out of the corner of my eye, I saw Logan smile before shaking her head as she took the empty seat next to her sister. I, myself, took my usual seat in the back of the room, opting to tune out Mr. Shue and instead watch a certain blonde down in the front row that I just shared a very enlightening conversation with.

Maybe having two Berry’s wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all…

* * *

 

**Logan**

“What do you think about us going over to Columbus this weekend to see the revival show of RENT? I hear the leads aren’t that awful, and it would be great to get away from Lima for a few days and relax since it’s so close to Sectionals.”

I smiled slightly at my sister, nodding as I finished exchanging my books for my backpack, my eyes doing an automatic roam around the hallway. It had been at least a month since anyone had dared to even look at Rachel the wrong way. To say I had been on edge the past few days was an understatement. With every flash of red and white clothing it only heightened it.

“Stop worrying so much. Everything is going to be fine. It’s been fairly quiet the past few days. Can’t you just take what you got and go with it?”

Sighing, I turned my attention back to my sister, smiling softly at her. “That’s what scares me the most, Rach. It’s been quiet, too quiet. Haven’t you paid attention to any of our horror movies we watch every Tuesday? What happens when the movie and all the characters become quiet for more than a few seconds?”

She rolled her eyes, letting out a very dramatic sigh. “That’s usually when the villain pops up, or in other cases, when a jump scare is about to happen. They really should choose some other way to bring those about, because whenever there is a moment of silence you automatically know that something is about to happen and that takes the fun out of it. They could try just shoving it all out there, but I guess that’s why they call is a jump scare to begin with. Either or, there’s more than one way to scare someone in a motion picture.”

“Has anyone ever told you that _you_ suck the fin out of everything by rambling out in very long paragraphs?”

The diva playfully hit my shoulder, sending me a mock glare and causing me to laugh. At least some things would never change. “So now you’re going to resort to punching me? You’re a cruel, cruel person, sister.”

“Hey, I’m older than you so you’re not allowed to pick on me!”

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. “By six months. You’re not exactly collecting social security, Rach.”

My sister’s comment was muffled by the sounds of shouting from down the hall. Shouting in Spanish…

“Oh my god is that Santana?”

Letting out a groan, I started towards the two girls currently locked in fight. I could barely see through the already gathering storm of students, but I somehow managed to break though in enough time to see the other girl getting a face full of the Latina’s fist before she slumped to the ground in a heap.

“Santana!”

As if instantly, she turned towards me, all apparent thoughts of almost killing the other girl swiped from her mind judging by the look she was currently giving me. “What?”

“What the hell are you doing?!”

The Latina opened her mouth to say something, but the girl on the floor sat up slightly, holding her hand against her nose, which just so happened to be pouring blood. “You bitch. I swear to go if you broke my nose, I’ll-.”

Another string of Spanish flew out of the girl’s mouth as she started towards the girl on the ground, causing me to rush forward and wrap my arms around the taller girl’s waist. The Spanish continued, even as I pulled her out of the circle of students and back towards my sister, who hadn’t moved from her spot by my locker.

“Well aren’t you a knight in shining armor?”

I rolled my eyes, briefly telling her to grab my bag as I dragged the still raging Latina screaming Spanish around the corner and out into the parking lot. Thank god it was the end of the day and no one was here to see this.

By the time I reached my car, she was only mumbling in another language, and I finally let go of her, instructing my sister to get in the car and slide into the back seat.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! I had that bitch right where I wanted her! You should have let me-.”

“Should have let you what, Santana? Keep beating the living shit out of her? What good would that have done?”

The girl glared at me for a few seconds before huffing and leaning back against my car, her arms crossing over her chest. The sight took me back to a few days ago when she was doing the exact same thing in a classroom, where I realized the Latina wasn’t just a bully with a bad attitude. She was just a girl so unhappy and unsure about herself that she took her anger out on everyone else.

“What did she do anyway?”

Santana shrugged, holding up one of her hands as she turned it over a few times. “She was being a bitch, said something that didn’t sit with me so I slapped her. Then it was all downhill from there.”

Letting out a sigh, I took a few steps towards her, grabbing her hand to get a better look at her already bruising knuckles. “That’s not a reason to start a fight with someone, Santana.”

“Look, I don’t need you to preach to me about what’s right and what’s wrong. I can handle myself. This kind of thing happens all the time. Just because you’re a hero for your hobbit sister doesn’t mean you have to ride in on a horse and pull me out of fights.”

I dropped her hand, scowling at her as I reached over to pull my car door open, pointing towards the seat. “Get in.”

The slightly taller girl laughed, her eyes glancing between me and the car. “Are you freaking nuts? Why would I ever get into a car, willingly, with you?”

“Because I’ve been there and I’ve punched something a lot harder than a girl’s face. Your knuckles are going to bruise and hurt like hell if you don’t ice them. I literally live like five, ten minutes away so you’re getting in the damn car so I can get you an ice pack from my house. Stop being so damn impossible, Santana!”

The girl’s eyes widened before she slid into the car, mumbling something that sounded like “wanky” under her breath as I closed the door behind her and rounded the car to get to the driver’s side.

The ride to my house was quiet. I honestly had nothing to say, since I had already said enough before we left the school’s parking lot. Santana was quiet because she was probably still fuming over the fight with the girl and the fact that she was basically being “kidnapped”, as she so eloquently put it a few minutes into the car ride. Rachel, well, one of her biggest tormentors was currently in the same car as her, on the way to one of the places she could consider a safe haven.

So, please, remind me why I cared so much to ice Santana’s hands?

As I pulled into the driveway, Rachel was the first to escape the car, saying she’d go get the ice pack ready. Neither me nor Santana made any move to get out, the latter instead choosing to stare down at her hands with that oh so common scowl on her face.

“We should get in and ice your hand. Before the swelling starts.”

“Why are you doing this?”

My hand paused halfway through opened my door, causing me to glance over at the Latina. “What do you mean? I’m doing this because I don’t want to hear you cry and complain about your hand hurting later.”

The taller girl shook her head, still not looking up from her hands. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. I’ve been a bitch to your sister and after one conversation between us you’re acting like we’re best friends and that you’re responsible for me.”

I sighed, opening my car door. “Listen, can we talk about this inside? I really don’t want to talk about this in a car. Besides, we really do need to get some ice on your hand.”

Once she nodded, I slid out of my car and waited on her before walking up the first steps of the porch and into the house. Rachel was rummaging through the kitchen, so I opted to point the Latina in that direction as I closed the front door.

When I entered the kitchen, my sister was adjusting the ice pack on the other girl’s hand, and I cleared my throat, gaining both of their attention. “Hey, Rach, can you go upstairs and grab a couple of aspirin?”

I waited until my sister left the room and her footsteps were nothing more than a distant sound before I took a seat next to Santana and took over placing the ice pack on her hand. “Coming out is a really huge part of accepting who you are, you know. It’s freaking scary as hell because the only thing you can think is that all these people you had on your side are going to suddenly look at you differently because you love someone who has the same body parts as you. It’s a really scary thing.”

The Latina shrugged, holding the ice pack in place. “I’m not coming out, so I don’t have to worry about it.”

“No, you’re not coming out because that’s exactly what you’re afraid of. You’re scared that if you tell Brittany that you love her, and not just as her best friend, but that you’re _in_ love with her, that people will treat you differently.”

When I received no answer, I made my way over to the fridge, pulling out three bottles of water. “The girl I was dating back in Chicago wasn’t out to anyone but a few people. Until she and I started dating. Even then, she was still so afraid of what people would say about her.”

I placed one of the water bottles down in front of her, twisting the cap off for her as she stared up at me, confusion written all over her face. “I don’t understand. What does that have to do with what you did today? With what you’re doing now?”

“It has everything to do with it. I came here, Santana, to keep from losing my sister. But I’m not limiting it to just her. What you told me the other day? That hits closer to home than Rach getting bullied. I can’t just sit back and watch someone tear other people down because they’re afraid of themselves and their feelings. I don’t want to watch you do that to yourself.”

She quickly shook her head, taking a drink of the water. “I’m not ready to come out. I can’t do that yet.”

“I’m not asking you to come out, Santana. I’d never force that on anyone. People should be able to come out when they’re ready to, not when someone else sees it fit. What I’m trying to get you to understand is that it’s okay to be in love with another girl. It doesn’t change who you are, because that _is_ who you are. You shouldn’t have to be afraid to tell Brittany that you’re in love with her, but you are, and that’s what makes you so angry at everyone and everything. And I know what that feels like, I,” I chuckled sadly, shaking my head. “I understand how that can end when you don’t have people rooting for you. So what I’m saying is that you have people on your side, Santana. Until you’re ready to come out, I’m gonna make sure you don’t kill anyone. Because it’s okay to be angry, you just don’t have to take it out on anyone else. When I came out, I would have killed to have someone watching out for me. I should have done that with my girlfriend, but I didn’t, and I’m not about to stand to the side and let that happen again. Understand?”

After a few seconds she nodded, and I was suddenly thankful for my sister’s timing as she came bouncing back into the room with the bottle of pain killers in her hands. I opted to sit back and watch the darker girl quietly thank my sister for the pills, giving her a small encouraging smile when she looked up at me. The smile I received in return gave me hope.

Maybe I couldn’t change what happened with Nicole. I could, however, try and keep that from happening again.

Even if it kills me.


	6. Girl Crush

**Ch:6**

**Logan**

“Guys, do you realize what this means? We are officially only one step away from National’s and New York City!”

Both Kurt and my sister squealed, jumping up and down while holding each other’s hands. It eventually turned into incoherent babbling about NYC and all the sights and I’m pretty sure I heard something about taking legal action if they broke into a theater. I was about to shoot the idea down when I felt someone tap on my shoulder once before I was joined by the unlikeliest of my newest allies.

“You think they’ll actually break into one of the theaters?”

I shrugged, smiling slightly as the sight of my sister being happy and excited. “It’s Rachel and Kurt. What do you think?”

Santana chuckled, leaning against the piano next to me. “Good point.”

A few moments passed where neither of us said anything, until I remembered the reason why we were all currently hanging out in the choir room. We just won Sectional’s. “Hey, congrats on the win, by the way. I would have told you sooner, but you seemed pretty pre-occupied earlier.”

The Latina smiled, crossing her arms over her chest as her eyes turned from watching the rest of the glee club interact and celebrate towards me. “What do you mean? We all won, not just one of us.”

“Yeah, but let’s face it. Quinn and Sam were good, and there’s definitely something going on there, but your solo put us over the top. So as far as I’m concerned, you won. So congrats.”

Her smile brightened, our conversation quickly being over as music began to fill the room and all the kids either joined in with a dance or vocals, both Santana and I being pulled in different directions by our fellow club members.

After a congratulatory rendition of some song about “not letting the man get you down, because you can do anything you set your mind to”, most of the glee club members filed out, save for a select few who had volunteered for cleanup duty.

“I saw that, by the way.”

Frowning, I glanced up from the garbage bag I was filling with empty cups and plates to see my sister smiling knowingly as she filled her own bag. “Excuse me?”

She shook her head, taking a few steps closer to me, picking up trash as she went. “The way you were looking a certain cheerleader earlier. Quite possibly the way you’ve been looking at her for a few weeks now.”

“Oh, god, Rach. We’re _so_ not going there. For one, I’m nowhere near ready for that again. Secondly, it’s Santana. The girl who has been openly tormenting you for most of your school career and who is… _Santana_.”

My sister snickered, tossing the last of the trash in my bag. “I never said it was Santana. You admitted to that on your own.”

I felt heat rise to my cheeks, and after scowling at my sister I grabbed her bag, tossing it into the trash can before walking out into the hallway. I could hear footsteps behind me, but I mostly ignored them, continuing on down the hall until I reached my locker.

“Why are you being so weird about it. So you have a crush on Santana. Big deal, it’s-.”

“It _is_ a big deal, Rachel,” I sighed out, leaning my forehead on my locker. “Because I haven’t…not since Nicole, and I screwed that up. I’m not about to do it again, okay? I’ve accepted that I’m meant to be eternally miserable and alone, so can we please just drop this particular conversation topic?”

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw my sister eye me for a few seconds before nodding, our conversation dropping completely.

“Logan! Rachel!”

Both my sister and I turned to see Kurt running towards us, a look of pure panic on his face, which only caused me to start off towards him. “Kurt, what’s wrong?”

The boy stopped, breathing heavily as he pointed down the hall where he had come from. “Artie…football players…line…slushies…”

Without really thinking, I took off down the hall, ignoring my sister’s pleas for me to slow down and Kurt’s to stop all together. As I rounded the corner my heart sank at the sight.  A few glee club members were standing against a row of lockers, their whole bodies braced for impact as, at least five football players and cheerios stood in front of them with slushies in hand. From my spot, I couldn’t hear what was being said, but that didn’t matter. Sure, the fight was unfair, but that didn’t stop my feet from carrying me forward, the anger rising in my chest.

“Hey! Morons! What the hell do you think you’re doing messing with my friends?!”

One cheerio, a blonde who I vaguely recognize as one of the underclassmen, turned towards me, a smirk plastered on her face. “I told you guys she would come.”

I pushed through the line of red and white, rolling my eyes as I forced as much sarcasm in my voice as I could. “You know, if you wanted to catch my attention, all you had to do was ask. I’m not one for dramatics.”

“Cut the shit. I’m here to restore order, and I have strict instructions to take you down.”

Scoffing, I crossed my arms over my chest, raising an eyebrow at the cheerleader. “You plan on doing that with two football players and two cheerios? Some army.”

The blonde cheerio shrugged, holding up an envelope I hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Ah, but his army has some pretty decent fire power. I’ll say my insiders sure got the goods on you.”

She pulled a few pieces of paper out of the envelope, clearing her throat as she took a step back and out of my reach. “Can I have everyone’s attention please? I’m sure by now you all have heard of the infamous Logan Mackenzie, the long lost sister of our very own Hobbit.”

I went to take a step forward, but felt a hand wrap around my bicep. I wasn’t sure who it was, my eyes weren’t leaving the blonde in front of me. “Watch it, bitch.”

The cheerleader smiled evilly, glancing down at the papers in her hands. “What you all probably don’t know is that Logan is from Chicago, and apparently a dyke. You know, it’s amazing what you can find when you google someone’s name, and low and behold, how surprised I was when an obituary came up under hers. For some other dyke named Nicole.”

A few collective gasps were heard from all around me, mostly by the other glee club members. They knew what was coming, what the cheerio had found, and so did I…

“You all think this girl is some kind of hero because she’s standing up for you losers? She’s no hero. In fact, this girl Nicole, actually emptied a bottle of pills to get away from her. She’s exactly who she’s fighting against. She was a coward then, and now,” the blonde cheerio laughed, tossing the papers at my feet, a picture of Nicole coming into my view briefly. “Now she’s just playing the victim card. She thinks she can come in here, into our school, and screw up the system and not get away with it? No. It isn’t happening. All Logan Mackenzie is, is a dyke. I lonely, pathetic, unwanted dyke who basically killed her own girlfriend.”

* * *

 

**Rachel**

By the time I had rounded the corner and weaved my way through the crowd of students, I had only managed to catch the tail end of Taylor’s speech, forcing my feet to stop completely as I saw the completely devastated and unnatural look on my sister’s face before it quickly turned into one I knew all too well.

Within seconds, my sister had the blonde cheerio tackled through the floor, the younger girl’s voice coming out as nothing more than a strangled scream as my sister threw punch after punch at her, all of those around too frozen in time to move or stop her.

I knew.

I knew the moment Logan told me she and her mothers were moving to Lima that this would happen. I knew that this rampage of hers would end badly…but something told me this was only the beginning of it...

“What the hell is going on here?!”

Much to my surprise, it wasn’t a teacher’s voice that pulled everyone out of our frozen state, but simply Quinn’s, who was staring wide-eyed at the sight before her with Brittany and Santana on either side of her, both of them sharing the same look as well.

I took this as the moment to rush forward, grabbing my sister’s had as it came back to gain force to throw another punch, not caring that blonde was dripping from her knuckles. “Logan, stop! Stop!”

She fought for a few seconds before she halted in her movements, and even from where I was standing I could see the tears dripping off her face to drop to the floor below her, mixing with the small pool of blood collecting there from the cheerio’s nose and lip. With one last heart scream, Logan pushed herself off the girl, collecting the papers Taylor had thrown at her in one swoop before practically sprinting off down the hall and, eventually, out of sight. It was only a few seconds later that I noticed Santana had run off after her, mumbling something in Spanish as she did so.

The other two cheerios who was joined in on Taylor’s tirade, along with the jocks also involved, were scrambling around the circle, and judging by the extremely pissed off look Quinn was giving the bleeding girl on the floor, this plan was obviously not something she approved.

“What the hell was that, Taylor?”

The seething tone Quinn was using was enough to make even me cringe, and it wasn’t even being directed at me, but was instead being used on the girl who was pulling herself up off the floor with one hand attached to her nose. “I was doing something you didn’t have to balls to do, Fabray! I was taking the order back!”

The taller blonde strode up towards the much shorter one, grabbing her by her cheerios uniform and slamming her against the lockers behind her. “You listen to me. You deserve this beating that you had bestowed on you. I told you what I had planned to do, and this was so out of line. What you did, Taylor, was beyond any excuse you can possibly pull out of your ass. What you did was so low that even I wouldn’t let my dog take a shit on it.”

Quinn roughly let the girl go, taking a deep breath to calm herself down no doubt, seeing as her eyes closed briefly before they reopened to give that infamous icy stare to Taylor. “You’re a piece of crap, Taylor, and you’re definitely not Cheerios material. Tomorrow morning, you will report to Coach’s office, turn in your cheerios uniform, blood stained and all, and you will cower in fear every time you feel my presence in the hallway. And if you so much as even breath a word about why your face is so messed up, I will make sure your last years here are lower than hell itself. Do you understand me?”

Taylor stared up at Quinn in disbelief, all thoughts of her bloody nose forgotten. “What? Why are you punishing me for what I did? I took the power back!”

“No, you just told the entire school something that wasn’t yours to tell. We all have secrets, Taylor. You should know that. Or do I need to _accidentally_ bring up the time you drank too much at Homecoming last year and recorded your own audition to _American Idol_ which includes you stripping and giving Puckerman a lap dance?”

After feigning a look of regret, Quinn backed away from the girl, the other students around us laughing at her story about the other cheerio before said girl took off down the hall in the opposite direction my sister had ran, tears streaming down her own cheeks.

“Rachel, I swear I had no idea they were doing this. If I had known, I would have stopped them. You have to believe me.”

I nodded as Quinn came rushing towards me, sadness swept across her features. “I know you didn’t Quinn. Thank you, for standing up for my sister and for allowing it to where she won’t get into trouble.”

The blonde nodded, running a hand through her hair as she glanced around the hallway. “Was what Taylor said true? Is Logan gay and did her girlfriend actually kill herself?”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded, grabbing Quinn’s arm to pull her off to the side. “Yes, but it’s not for the reasons Taylor said. Nicole was bullied endlessly for years about being gay, and while she was dating my sister she took her own life. Since then Logan has been on this never ending path to make sure nothing happens to me, because she blames herself for what happened. That’s why she moved her and that’s why she’s been so keen on stopping you and the jocks with the slushies.”

Quinn stared at me for a few seconds, her eyes wide at my short version of what had happened all those years ago. “Oh my god.”

“I’m surprised Santana didn’t tell you. Logan told her weeks ago. I assumed she had told you and that’s how Taylor heard. Now I’m not so sure.”

The blonde shook her head, her gaze dropping down to the tiled floors of the hall. “No, Santana never told me, and I know she hasn’t said anything to the baby cheerios about this. She doesn’t deal with them. I do. There’s no way Taylor could have found out from her.”

“Well, then I guess glee has a spy. And I need to find out, too.”

Quinn nodded, turning to look at the other glee club members who were still standing in their spots from earlier, all whispering to each other. “I’ll help.”

Frowning, I turned my attention away from the others to look at the blonde incredulously. “What? Why would you want to help, Quinn? I thought you hated my sister?”

She shook her head, grabbing my elbow as she pulled me down the hall and away from the prying eyes of the all the students still lingering from the scene earlier. “I don’t hate your sister. I just never understood. Not until now. She didn’t deserve that.”

“What are you saying, Quinn?”

“I’m saying, I’m calling a truce between the cheerios and the glee club. No one else needs to be hurt by this fighting.”

* * *

 

**Logan**

 

“Logan, slow down!”

Stumbling through the parking lot, I ignored the girl running after me, wiping furiously at the tears that wouldn’t stop fucking running down my face.

“Logan!”

I stumbled into my car, my shaking hands fumbling for my keys in my pockets, the blurry sight of red causing me to stop in my movements, giving the Latina time to catch up with me. “Logan are you okay?”

“Get the hell away from me, Santana.”

“What?”

Without looking up, I could hear the confusion her voice, which only fueled the anger in me even more, causing me to, once again, snap as I shoved the taller girl away from me, more tears rolling down my cheeks. “You fucking told her, didn’t you?!”

Through my tears I could finally make out the other girl’s face. If everything hadn’t had just happened, I would have thought the girl was actually confused, but after today, she definitely could make a living out of becoming an actress.

“You think I told Taylor about Nico-?”

“No,” I pointed a finger at her, my voice cracking slightly. “You don’t get to even say her name in my vicinity! You’re a fucking liar, Santana! You said you weren’t spying on us!”

“I wasn’t! I mean, I’m not! Logan, please, you have to understand that I didn’t do this!”

“Bull shit! You’re full of bull shit, Lopez! I actually thought you were more than the stories I had heard about you! I actually fucking thought there was good in you, but I was wrong. You have always been, and always will be Satan’s head bitch and I’m fucking done with you! I’m done! I had your back, I was going to help you with coming out as a lesbian and you turn around and do this?! This is why no one likes you, Santana! This is why you will never be anything other than the bitch who screws everyone over!”

I took a shaky breath, which actually came out more like a sob before I could compose myself long enough to shove my keys back into my pocket. “Then again, why am I surprised? I should have expected this.”

Without saying another word, or letting the other girl say anything as well, I turned and took off down the street, leaving the Latina behind as I held the crumbled stack of papers against my chest, the adrenaline in my body slowly disappearing until my jog had become nothing more than my feet stumbling over each other as I stopped in the middle of the side walk.

I ignored the pain in my chest, gripping the papers tighter as I felt my knees wobbly slightly.

Why do I always fall for the girls that kill me piece by piece?


	7. Santana Included

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Warning: This is the chapter that contains a hate crime committed on one of the characters.***

**Ch:7**

**Logan**

_Lights. So many bright lights and muffled noise and fuck did my head hurt. Everything hurt._

_“Logan!”_

_I could vaguely feel someone else’s hand in my own, but the touch felt off. Different. Like fingertips just barely grazing the inside of my palm. But that voice, I recognize it…where have I heard it?_

_Fuck, my head…_

_“Logan, it’s gonna be okay. Just hang on, please. We’re almost to the hospital.”_

_There is it again. Why were we going to the hospital? Why does this person sound so sad?_

_“Logan, I’m so sorry.”_

_Okay, seriously. I need this damn headache to fucking go away. I can’t concentrate. I can’t think straight. I can’t…I can’t…so much noise…_

_Sirens. That’s what I hear, and beeping. And crying…am I in an ambulance?_

_“What do we got?”_

_“Seventeen-year-old female, junior at McKinley High School. One of her friends found her in the locker room. She doesn’t know what happened exactly. Obvious fracture of the left wrist, trauma to the head and body. There’s bruising in the rib area and breath sounds are unequal. Abdomen is rigid, I suspect internal bleeding. Unresponsive in the field.”_

_What the hell is going on? Where’s the voice from earlier? These people don’t sound as sad._

_“She looks like someone has beaten her. Okay, someone call Neuro and prep OR three for an incoming trauma. I want this girl prepped and ready to go in no less than ten minutes, understand? Who came with her?”_

_“One of the girls who found her. Uh, Miss…Fabray or Lopez?”_

_Quinn? Santana?_

_“I’m, uh, Lopez. Santana Lopez. Her name is Logan…I don’t…please help her, please. She didn’t deserve this.”_

_Once again, I felt my hand being touched moments before Santana’s voice filled my ears. “So help me god, if you don’t come out of this I will never forgive you. Please come back to me.”_

_“Ma’am, I need to ask you some questions. Can you please come with me?”_

_No! I want Santana! Bring Santana back!_

_Why the hell can’t I speak? What’s going on?_

_“Logan? Logan, can you hear me? My name is Dr. Finley. You’re at Lima General.”_

_Yes, I can hear you. No, I can’t tell you that I can. My head hurts too much…why am I here?_

_“We’re gonna take good care of you, Logan. You’re gonna be okay.”_

_More beeping…more pain…just want it to stop…_

_“She’s crashing! Someone get me a crash cart! Push one epi! Charge to two-hundred! Clear! Charge again! I am not losing this girl!”_

_Santana…_ ****

****

**_Eight Hours Earlier_ **

****

**Logan**

“It wasn’t her.”

Sighing, I ran one hand through my hair as I glared at the back of my sister’s head. “I know, okay? You’ve told me, Quinn’s told me. I’ve heard the whole damn story way too many times. I know it wasn’t Santana that told Taylor, and before you go all big sister on me, I can’t apologize to her. At least not yet.”

She stopped suddenly, forcing me to bump into her back before she turned to look at me with a slightly confused look. “Why can’t you apologize?”

“Because you don’t know what I said to her. You didn’t see the look on her face, and you don’t have to feel completely awful every single time you see her.”

Rachel rolled her eyes, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me into the choir room. “You made a mistake. That makes you human, Logan. It doesn’t make you a monster. Don’t you think there are some things Santana would like to take back some of the things she’s said?”

I let out another sigh, slumping into the nearest chair, my head resting in my hands. “I know, okay? I just…I spent so many years trying to escape my past, trying to escape what happened with Nicole and I was hurt and angry and I took it out on her. Because that’s what happens when people get involved with me. They get hurt and we both get screwed over.”

 “No.”

Frowning, I pulled my head up from its resting spot, caught completely off guard by the pissed off look my sister was giving me. “What?”

I wasn’t sure to be amused or horrified when my sister stomped her foot before practically storming over to where I was sitting, causing me to sit up and lean back in my seat. “Whoa, Rachel, what are you-?”

“Shut up and listen to me, alright? For once, let me be the one to give you a little insight on life and be your big sister. Can you do that? Please?”

My eyes trailed up and down my sister’s form as I nodded, quirking one eyebrow up. “Sure. Go all couch and ink blot on me. Whatever you want, just stop looking like a severely pissed off five-year-old. It is not becoming of you, sister.”

After an eye roll and a swat to the side of my head, and my sister receiving a half-hearted shout of pain from myself, Rachel pulled a seat out in front of me, her features schooling to one I recognized she would wear when giving one of her infamous power-point presentations. “I have sat by for the last two years and watched you physically dissolve into this person that I do not know anymore. I have bit my tongue because you lost someone you truly cared about, and I saw how hard it was for you to lose Nicole. I saw how much you blamed yourself for all those people who said such harsh things to her.”

Scowling, I went to stand up, but a small hand reaching out stopped me halfway, causing me to glance up and see the sad smile my sister pulled out only twice in her lifetime. The first when she visited me for the weekend, and I came home with a black eye and a split lip and simply told her I was gay. The second was the week after Nicole’s funeral, when I finally ventured into her room and practically fell into her arms sobbing as I recounted what all had lead up to Nicole’s death.

“I cannot sit and watch you blame yourself for what happened. Nicole’s death was horrible, and it should not have happened, and those people should all uphold to what they did. But, Logan, she’s gone. She’s not coming back, and I know you are so protective over me and I appreciate that so much, but when are you going to stop pushing everyone away and let someone else in?”

“Nicole was-.”

“Nicole was an amazing person. She loved you, it was clear to anyone who bothered to pay attention to the two of you. And I would have been honored to have called her my sister-in-law someday, but life didn’t allow that to happen. If you two were meant to be together for the rest of your lives, things would have turned out differently. Right now, what you’re doing with Santana, you’re pushing her away because you’re denying that you have feelings for her.”

I scoffed, my head already coming up with facts and scenarios where that wouldn’t be possible, and is just plain crazy for her to assume that I had feelings for the girl.

“No, don’t spout off some incredulous reason as to why you can’t have feelings for her, because you do, Logan. Don’t you? You like Santana.”

I felt my mouth open and close repeatedly, my brain ready to shoot down this whole conversation down but failed to form the words. After a few seconds of me doing a rather head on impression of a goldfish, I let out a sigh, my head resting back in my hands. “Yes, okay? I like Santana, and that’s why she took the brunt of my accusations last week. I’m horrified at the thought of having feelings for someone else, and when my brain sought out the opportunity to push her away so easily, I took it.”

A hand landed on my shoulder, but I didn’t have to look up to know it was my sister offering me any kind of consoling she could with the way we were situated. “Then why don’t you go tell Santana that? Because I cannot stand to see her give you that look anymore when you two pass in the hall.”

“She gives me a look?”

Pulling my head up, my sister nodded, the pissed off look on her face disappearing from her face only to be replaced with a smile. “Remember when Brittany figured out about the tooth fairy last month and the look she gave Noah?”

I couldn’t hold back the laugh as flashes of the blonde dancer’s pout filled my head. “Really? Santana Lopez pouts?”

My sister shrugged, rearranging her chair back to its original position as the bell rang over us, signaling the beginning of lunch. “Santana does indeed pout, but only when it involves certain people. You, my dear sister, should feel entirely like a champion for being on that very small list of people.”

Following my sister’s actions, I let myself smile at the thought of the Latina pouting. “I’m not on any list, Rachel. Just because Santana and I get along, doesn’t mean I’m automatically on her list of people she can actually tolerate for more than two minutes.”

Once we made our way out of the choir room and to my locker, and after another _very_ long rant about why I needed to tell Santana about my feelings from my sister, I promised to meet her in the auditorium as I collected whatever I would need for the rest of the day.

Maybe Rachel was right. I could at least apologize to Santana. She didn’t deserve the verbal beating I handed out to her. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and with the wrong person…but could I really just let all of my emotions pour out after apologizing? I mean, Santana is the first girl I’ve even paid any attention to since Nicole. She’s the first person I’ve managed to see and not look through.

Hell, if anything, Santana has been a freaking road block that won’t move out of my way.

Letting out a sigh, I pushed all thoughts of the girl out of my head as I started in the direction of the auditorium to find my sister, completely ignoring the looks and whispers from the other teenagers around me that had been surfacing since the little incident last week where I was publicly outed as the lesbian whose girlfriend killed herself…and I was too busy “ignoring” them that I didn’t notice I was about to walk into some else’s locker door until I felt a hand pulling me in the opposite direction.

“For the love of god, watch where you’re freaking going, alright?”

I shouldn’t have been surprised at the harsh tone I was being given. It’s only natural that the girl I bitched out would end up returning the bitchy behavior ten times over. “You didn’t have to pull me out of the way. You could have let me hit the locker.”

When I finally glanced up at the cheerleader, I was even more surprised to be met with a sad expression rather than Santana’s normal resting bitch face that showed no emotion. “What good would that have done? You’d just blame me for not stepping in and stopping you. Seems to be a pattern of yours lately.”

Letting out a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair, mentally cursing myself afterwards. Like fixing my hair was going to do anything productive in this situation. “Santana, listen, can we not have this conversation in the middle of the hallway?”

The Latina rolled her eyes, practically shoving past me as she mumbled something under breath about how hallways are not a place for anything regarding me, causing me to reach out and grab her arm and stop her from walking away completely.

“Let go.”

Shaking my head, I turned to face her, still keeping a hold of her arm. “No. Not until we talk, but I am not going to air out my dirty laundry in front of all these people. So either you come willingly, or I’m dragging your ass. You decide.”

After a few seconds of staring at me, she nodded, her eyes darting down to the floor as I let go of her arm and without a word, walked into the nearest bathroom. A few seconds later, I heard the door open and close behind me. A few other students were piled around the sinks, but after a single glare from Santana, they quickly disappeared, leaving the two of us alone.

“I shouldn’t have blamed you so easily and I’m sorry for acting the way that I did towards you last week. You didn’t deserve anything that I said to you, and none of it was true. I’m sorry for everything, Santana. I just…I’m sorry.”

The taller girl nodded, her arms crossed over her chest as she scowled down at the floor. “Why did you think I would tell Taylor what happened with you? What could I have possibly gotten out of that, Logan?”

Shaking my head, I took a few steps towards her, stopping only when there was less than a foot between the two of us. “I know you didn’t tell her. That was cleared up pretty much after everything happened. Quinn and Rachel both have made sure of that.”

“Then why have you been avoiding me since? If you know it wasn’t me then what is your problem?”

At a loss for words, I simply stood there, wishing now more than ever that I could just tell her what I was feeling. That I could just explain it all to her, but once again, my irrational fears kept my mouth shut, no matter how loud I wanted to speak out.

Eventually, the Latina letting out a frustrated noise as she began to pace the small bathroom area and mumble something in Spanish while I just watched, mentally cursing myself for not being able to just come out and tell the girl in front of me that I was crushing on her so hard it terrified me to no end.

After a few seconds of listening to the Hispanic ramble, I stepped forward, placing my hand on the other girl’s shoulder and successfully stopping her. “I don’t speak Spanish, so if you’re going to rant, at least do it in English.”

“This isn’t funny, Logan! I don’t understand what the hell is going on with you! Why did you get so angry with me last week? Did I do something that I’m not aware of? Because I usually remember when I do something bitchy because I like to keep a tally of my destruction.”

“I’m not trying to be funny, San. I want to tell you why I reacted like I did last week, but I can’t. Not because I don’t want to, I do, I just don’t know how.”

I removed my hand from her shoulder, taking a step away from her as I sighed and began rubbing my temples. Why is it so hard to just say it?

“Do you not trust me or something? Because I thought we were at least starting to become friends or at least you didn’t want to make me barf constantly.”

Shaking my head, I continued to rub my head, my aggravation towards myself getting the better of me. “No, Santana, it’s not that I don’t trust you, I do, I just…”

“What? Why can’t you tell me?”

“Because _you_ are my problem, Santana!”

The silence that followed my outburst was deafening, and after realizing I couldn’t take any of this conversation back without looking like an ass, I glanced up to gauge the girl’s reaction. Of course, if I had thought I’d seen Santana’s confused face before, I’m not sure exactly what I was looking at now, seeing as the look she was currently giving me was enough to make me even backtrack to what I said to make sure it didn’t come out differently from what I remember saying.

“I’m a problem for you?”

Well, there’s no going back now, Mackenzie. “Yes.”

With one last nod, the confusion on her face quickly turned to pissed off as she started to gather her things together. “Well I’m glad we cleared that up then. I’ll just go ahead and excuse myself. I wouldn’t want to cause any more problems for you.”

Deciding, for once, to throw caution to the wind, I stepped up to the girl and took the few items she had out of her hands and place them back down on the counter. “That’s not what I meant, San. You’re taking this in the completely wrong direction.”

“No I get it. I’m a freaking problem for everyone. I’m not good enough for Sue to become head cheerleader. My voice isn’t good enough for solo’s in glee. Brittany fucking chose the wheelchair kid over me, so I get it. I’m a problem that no one wants to deal with. I shouldn’t have thought that with you it’d be any different because you understood some part of me, but whatever. Doesn’t matter. Are we done here? Because I have a few things I need to do.”

“Don’t. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You are important, Santana. People care about you. You’re not a burden or anything like that, you just took what I meant in the wrong way. You, yourself, are not a problem. It’s everything else that is a problem for me.”

The other girl scoffed, her features relaxing slightly. “Who the hell would care about me?”

“I care about you, Santana.”

“Well you shouldn’t,” she started off around me, shaking her head as she crossed her arms over herself. “I’ve been nothing but a jerk to your sister for years now. I’m a raging bitchaholic and I’m self-centered and-.”

“What you’ve done in the past doesn’t define you, Santana. I’ve managed to get to know you over the past few months and I know why you act like you do. I know why you’re so angry with yourself.”

She sighed, leaning against the bathroom wall as she shook her head, silence filling the bathroom once again as we stood on opposite sides of the small area simply staring at each other, our conversation halting.

“I do care about you, Santana. More than you know.”

When she didn’t say anything, I took a deep breath, deciding it was now or never if I was going to tell her. “San, I…”

Fuck my inability to express emotions.

But more importantly, fuck the look I was currently being given by the other girl. The vulnerable expression that held so much sadness and regret and promise that it was like that day in the choir room all over again. And it occurred to me that all this girl new were words. She used them to hurt other people, because she couldn’t tell anyone how she felt. She had heard all the rumors about herself in the hall, she took all of Sue’s verbal abuse and all the glee club’s doubt of her character, so what good would words do for me now?

Acting quickly on the little burst of courage, I stepped forward grabbing the girl by one of her arms before pulling her to me and doing the only thing I could think of to get my point across to her, and only a few seconds after my lips met hers, I knew that actions spoke louder than words for the girl seeing as she returned the kiss.

_Logan, what the hell are you doing?!_

The opening of the bathroom door caused both of us to jump apart, Santana busying herself by fixing her already perfect makeup at one of the sinks while I started rummaging through the backpack that was still hanging off one of my shoulders.

Luckily the intruder was only one of the baby cheerios, and after a few seconds and a quick glance at both me and the Latina, she was gone, leaving the bathroom to fall silent save for the murmured echo of student’s voices out in the hall.

“Logan?”

I shook my head, gathering my things before hurrying out the door, Santana’s calls after me falling on deaf ears as I practically sprinted down the hall in the direction of the auditorium as my mind kept replaying the kiss over and over…and me, once again, failing at being a normal human being by running away from my problems.

When I finally made it to the auditorium, I found my sister pacing the stage floor, a worried look on her face. One glance at my watch told me my bathroom experience lasted longer than it felt and lunch had pretty much passed and left me with few minutes to spare.

“I kissed her.”

Rach spun on her heels, her eyebrows raising. “Who? Santana?”

Nodding, I stopped at the stage, dropping my backpack down at my feet with a loud sigh. “Yeah. And before you ask, it was just now. In the bathroom.”

“I told you to talk to her. Where did you get kiss from our conversation earlier?”

I frowned at my sister’s humorous remark, glaring up at her. “It’s not funny, Rachel. I have to see this girl all over school and town. I can’t just avoid her. If anything, this week has proved that. What am I gonna do?”

“Well what did you do after the kiss? What did she say?”

Even I flinched at the memory, the sudden want to smack myself for being such a jerk filling my head. “I may have not given her the chance to say anything…”

My sister shook her head, her mouth dropping open slightly. “Oh, Logan. Please tell me you didn’t kiss her and run away.”

When I didn’t respond, she gave me a sad smile before packing up her sheet music and whatever remains of the lunch she brought. “Now you really do need to talk to her and maybe you could refrain from your lips touching hers this time?”

Rolling my eyes, I followed her out of the auditorium as the bell rang, thankful I still had a few classes before I had to see Santana. With one last wave to my sister, I waited until she was safely inside her classroom before heading off to the gym, my mind already trying to form an excuse I could tell the girl why I suddenly left after our kiss.

I guess I could see if she would even talk to me during biology, but after today I wouldn’t be surprised if the tables turned and I was the one receiving the cold shoulder. If I was lucky enough to get her to talk, I could wait and see if the kiss was brought up, but something told me that my running would only cause the other girl to shut me out and the kiss would be forgotten, never to be brought up again but instead a wedge in the friendship I had somehow managed to form with her over the course of the school year.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the slamming of a locker door, my eyes pulling up to see Quinn standing by my designated locker already dressed out in her gym clothes. “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

The blonde raised an eyebrow, moving out of the way as I reached to open the locker and toss my backpack in it. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine?”

“Cut the crap, Mackenzie. You wanna explain why I saw you hurrying out of the girl’s bathroom earlier looking like you just saw a ghost and then, low and behold, a few minutes later a rather pissed of Santana came storming through the hallway out of the same bathroom?”

I paused halfway through pulling my gym shirt over my head, my eyes closing as I let out a sigh. “Nothing happened, Quinn. Santana had cornered me in the bathroom demanding that I listen to her side of the story of what happened last week and we argued and it brought out the bitchy side of Santana. That’s why I had that look on my face and that’s why she was so pissed. No harm, no foul. She’ll get over it, just give her a few days.”

After she glanced me over one last time, she shook her head, starting out of the locker room. “Whatever. I’ll see out on the track.”

A few more girls followed her out, leaving me to finish getting ready in silence, the guilt from my actions earlier already eating away at me. Maybe my conversation with Santana couldn’t wait until Biology.

“You think that after being publicly humiliated, one might learn their lesson.”

My spine instantly straightened at the voice, and I slowly turned to see Taylor leaning against the set of the lockers on the other side of the locker room. Even in the harsh lighting, the bruises and cuts on her face rather distinctive, especially since my knuckles were still sore from causing them. “What the hell do you want?”

The girl shrugged, pushing herself off the lockers. “You got me kicked off the Cheerios, shunned by the school and not to mention the bruises you graced me with. Are you seriously going to ask me what I want from you?”

The back door the locker room opened, my eyes automatically glancing over to see a rather large boy duck through the door as Taylor took a few steps towards me. “You see, I thought something was up last week when Santana ran after you following your abrupt escape out into the parking lot, and well, I at least thought you two would refrain from basically shoving your tongues down each other’s throats in the school bathroom.”

Closing my locker, I turned so I could clearly see the other two occupants in the room, because my gut was telling me that nothing good was going to come out of this. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, and no matter what rumor you’re going to start I’ll deny it.”

“Oh I don’t plan on starting some meaningless rumor, Logan. You ever heard of an eye for an eye?”

Frowning, I watched as the random guy took a few steps towards me, my automatic reaction to move in the opposite direction towards the other door, earning an amused smile from the boy. “What are you getting at Taylor? You wanna ruin my life? Fine, but leave Santana out of this.”

The girl chuckled, my feet halting in the movements of my attempt at an escape when she blocked the only remaining exit, leaving me to glance wearily between the two.

What the hell is going on?

“I’m gonna give you two options here. The first is you can leave this locker room perfectly fine, but I tell everyone what you’ve been trying so hard to keep secret…Santana being gay.”

I let out a low growl that surprised even myself, bracing myself in the corner of the locker room. “No! I already told you to keep her out of this!”

With a nod towards the boy, Taylor let a wicked laugh. “Then I guess you choose option number two. I’ll keep quiet about Santana. She can keep her precious reputation, that you basically put on the line a little while ago, but you have to promise not to scream too loudly as I let my brother here give you a taste of what Ohio thinks about you and people like you.”

As the boy inched closer to me, I let my eyes close, realizing now what all this was about. It’s not just because I interrupted the social hierarchy here, but it’s because I like girls…

“You should have just kept your mouth shut and followed the hierarchy, Logan. Maybe after this, keeping your mouth won't me so much of a burden. But do keep in mind, Logan, if you even breath of word our names to anyone…well, let’s just say that I have a list of people who I know you’d do anything to protect. Your sister and Santana are at the top of that list. Do you we have an agreement?”

My stomach dropped at the thought of anyone else getting hurt because of me. I’ve sat through as many funerals as I want to for a lifetime, and I’ve had enough weight to carry to break me ten times over. This is what I came here to stop.

I came here to protect the people I love.

Santana included.


	8. You've Got a Friend in Me

**Ch:8**

**Rachel**

“Rachel, sweetie, come sit down.”

I quickly shook my head, waving off my father’s request to join him beside my aunts, optioning to continue to pace the small area not occupied by friends and family. “What difference does it make if I stand or sit? If I at least walk, it will keep me sane. I’m too afraid that if I stop and I sit down…I’m afraid I’ll start to break down and I can’t do that right now. Logan doesn’t need that, and neither do any of you.”

One of my fathers reached out, which one I’m not sure seeing as I had other things on my mind, and grabbed my hand, forcing me to stop mid step and my eyes to drop to the floor. “Rachel, your sister was just attacked and none of us know her status. No one will blame you for feeling right now. Especially not Logan. If you don’t want to sit then maybe you could keep yourself busy by checking on your friends. You need them as much as they need you right now.”

My eyes glanced up automatically, landing on the small group of the glee club members huddled around each other. Tina, Kurt and Mercedes were talking quietly among themselves, while the boys were busy with the few electronic devices they had brought with them. Brittany was currently keeping a rather shaken up Quinn calm, rambling on about how special Lord Tubbington was at reading minds, which I had to admit managed to get a smile out of the other blonde. But the person who mainly caught my eye was an unusually quiet and dismissive Santana as she sat broken off from the group of gleeks, staring down at her hands only to look up for a few moments as a nurse or doctor would walk by before returning to her previous position.

“I know you two have had your differences in the past, but perhaps you both could put it behind you? For Logan?”

Nodding, I stepped away from the small group of adults, smiling slightly as I walked past the glee club and finally reached the Latina. “Santana?”

“What, Berry?”

Much to my surprise, the question was not at all full of her usual bite. Instead, she sounded mostly tired and upset. Then again, nothing about this situation was usual or in any way ideal. Hell, never in a million years would I have imagined that something like this could have happened to someone I loved. I also never imagined that I’d be sitting next to Santana Lopez, the girl my sister had somehow fallen for.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

The taller girl shrugged, her eyes never leaving her hands. “Whatever.”

After taking the empty seat next to her, the girl next to me shifted, pulling her knees up to her chest. “Have you heard anything?”

I shook my head, my own eyes glancing down at the tiled floor at my feet before landing on my sister’s backpack next to Santana’s. “No, not since they told us she was still in surgery.”

“Okay.”

A few minutes passed where neither of us said anything, or neither of us moved. The only sound that could be heard was the constant beeping of machines or the occasional phone ringing from the nurse’s station down the hall and the quiet voices of our small group currently occupying the tiny waiting room.

“Santana, are you okay?”

The girl snorted, her head turning to look at me. “You’re seriously asking me if I’m okay right now? Me, the girl who has practically made your life a living hell for the past three years, who is a constant bitch to everyone while your sister is having surgery after being brutally beaten at our school and you’re asking me if _I’m_ okay?”

I frowned, not understanding why she would choose this very moment to bring up all the torment she’s been a part of. “Santana, whatever you’ve done is beside the point right now. I’m not entirely sure what you and my sister are, but I know you care about her. Otherwise you wouldn’t still be here right now and be as upset as you are. My sister cares about you, and for her to care about somebody after all she’s been through, it’s a miracle. So yes, I am asking you if you’re okay.”

She stared at me for a few seconds, her face completely unreadable save for the same look of sadness she held since we arrived. “No.”

Nodding, I broke eye contact with her, my eyes automatically landing back on my sister’s backpack sitting at my feet. “Neither am I.”

Things became quiet once again, both of us seemingly content with the silence as we waited for an update on my sister. I busied myself with watching the people around me, my mind boggled that in such a short amount of time everything had completely changed here in Lima.

The Glee club was managing to get along, my family was no longer split up, the slushies at school had stopped and I, the oddity of the school, was currently sitting next to one of the head cheerleaders who had I recently only knew as bully before…and all of this because of my sister.

My sister, who had lost the love of her life, who had given up on everything good in life, who moved to this god forsaken town for me, who stood up for me when no one else would, who had somehow managed to find feelings for someone else after doing so much and asking for nothing in return…and who was currently fighting for her life all because some homophobic asshole didn’t like the fact that she liked girls better than boys and decided to physically “beat the gay out of her” and took it, all to keep Santana’s secret.

“Santana, I hate to bring this up, but what exactly did you over heard Taylor saying to Logan when you and Quinn found her in the locker room?”

From beside me, I could visibly see the girl tense up at the question. “Why?”

I turned in my seat, letting out a sigh. “Santana, whatever she said to you. This wasn’t your fault. Logan-.”

“Logan was beaten because she was protecting me, to keep the washed-up bitch from outing me to the whole school. How does that _not_ make it my fault?”

“Because it wasn’t just about you, Santana. This is who Logan is. She wasn’t just protecting you, she was protecting herself. This is how it started back in Chicago with Nicole. She went through hell for that girl, and for herself, because people can’t accept the way she is. She lost Nicole and she knew that in some way, if your secret got out it she would lose you as well. And not only could she lose you, Santana, but she would be facing everything she has been fighting against since she was a little girl. This isn’t your fault. She’ll tell you the same thing when she comes out of this, and she will because Logan is a fighter. Bad things happen, she takes the blows and then she keeps on walking. As huge of a force that you are Santana, you have been good for her. And she has been good for you.”

The girl next to me nodded, attempting to discretely wipe the few tears that had managed to fall during my speech. “You know, you’re not so bad, Berry. Once you look past the constant rambling and the knee-high socks.”

 Even I couldn’t resist giving her an eye roll. “Why does everyone always bring up my clothing? I like my clothes.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure Luke thought his dad was some kind of hero, but we all see how well that turned out. He cut off his own son’s hand.”

I let out a laugh, relaxing back into my chair. “Did you seriously just use a _Stars Wars_ analogy to compare my sense of fashion?”

Santana shrugged, laughing herself. “If the shoe fits, Hobbit.”

We continued to laugh for a few seconds, until all that was left were the beeping noises and whirring of hospital machines, reminding us both of the situation we were currently facing, which brought us back to the same silence that washed over us before.

“I’m sorry, Rachel.”

Raising an eyebrow, I glanced back over at my newest, and unlikeliest, allies. “What are you apologizing for?”

She shrugged, fiddling with the buttons on her cheerio’s jacket. “For all that crap I put you through these past few years.”

“Oh, Santana, you don’t-.”

The Latina held up one hand, finally, for the first time since I arrived at the hospital, looked over at me. I had rarely seen Santana’s serious expression, save for those few times I receiving the brunt of her bullying, but something told me that the expression I was receiving now needed no interruptions. “No, I’m serious. Please let me get this out. After everything that has happened today, I need to get this out to you. Okay? Just listen.”

Nodding, I watched her visibly fight with herself before letting out a sigh and turning in her chair until she was facing me. “I’m a bitch by nature. I know that. I probably won’t ever change but that’s only because I’ve been hiding some part of me for a while now. This whole, liking girls thing freaks me out. I’m not ready to scream it out loud or go march in a parade or something, but I’m cool with admitting it with you guys because you and the other glee club members are the closest thing I have to family besides my actual family. And I get that it doesn’t excuse how I acted, but I’m sorry for everything. What I said and what I made fun of you for, it wasn’t cool. I get that now, and I hate that it took something like this to make me realize that, but I _do_ like you Berry. And I like your sister, and if there’s one thing she’s taught me it’s that making other people miserable because I am isn’t the kind of person I want to be. But to make a long story short, can you forgive me? You know, for being a huge bitch to you?”

I watched the girl in front of me for a few minutes, seeing this new side of Santana that few had ever been privileged enough to get to know, and now, here she was offering it to me. All of this because of my sister. Granted, Santana was right. It’s unfortunate that something like this had to bring the two of us closer, but this is what Logan has fought so hard for, so long.

My sister truly is an amazing person.

“Of course, Santana. Perhaps we can be friends now? I mean, there’s only so much time we have left together before we all go our separate ways.”

She nodded once, giving me a small smile. “Yeah, I’d think that’d be pretty cool.”

“Uh, is the family of Logan Mackenzie here?”

All our heads snapped towards the doctor, dressed out in surgical scrubs and cap in hand who was giving us a small smile. My aunts automatically stood up, along with my fathers, and with one last look at Santana, I walked over to join the small group who were busy talking among themselves.

“I apologize for the long wait on news about your daughter. We ran into some...complications when Logan arrived here. Her injuries were more extensive than we originally thought once we opened her up, and it took us longer than expected to patch her up.”

Aunt Cate shook her head, the hand not holding on to her wife’s wrapping around my shoulders when I stepped up beside her. “What does that mean? What kind of complications were there?”

The doctor let out a sigh, running her hand over her forehead. “When Logan was brought in, she was unresponsive to any form of communication, which we later discovered was due to her jaw being fractured, but as we were taking her up to the OR, she crashed a few times on us.”

Both of my aunts let out collective gasp, while I could literally feel myself tense up at the news. I had heard of hate crimes before. I had felt so awful for the families that had to endure them, but now, knowing that it had hit so close to home left me with an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. How could someone be so heartless to beat someone almost to the point of death solely with the excuse that they didn’t agree on who they loved?

“We were successful in our attempts to bring her back, though. She didn’t have any problems during her surgery. She’s out in recovery right now with doctors and nurses on a round-the-clock watch. But, before any of you go and see her, I must warn you. She was in rough shape when she arrived. She obviously has a fractured jaw, which we re-set and wired shut so it can heal properly. Her shoulder and wrist joint were torn, but we were able to fix those. She has four broken ribs and a severe concussion due to blunt trauma to the head, and to be honest, we’re not quite sure where her mental status sits right now. With all that her body has gone through, we’re trying to keep her asleep as long as we can, because when she does wake up, she will be in severe pain. But with her communication skills being limited with her jaw, we’re not entirely sure if there was any brain damage. Her brain monitor shows constant activity and stimulation, but we won’t know for sure until she awakens. But that’s just the inside. She is bruised up and there are numerous cuts throughout her whole body. Not to mention there a lot of wires coming to and from her, so she looks ten times worse than she is. We are expecting her to make a full recovery. She’s doing great. She’s a fighter.”

The only way I can describe the feeling was to compare it to a ten-ton weight being lifted from my chest. My family and friends and I had just spent almost nine hours waiting for news about my sister’s well being, scared and helpless that we didn’t know if she was going to be okay or not. Now, we’ve somehow managed to come through this part.

Logan is alive. Granted, she is broken, in more ways than one, but she’s alive. 

My aunt and fathers excused themselves to get everything settled as far as paperwork wise seeing as no one could concentrate long enough when we first arrived this afternoon while I retook my seat beside Santana, who was staring after the group of adults who had disappeared around the corner of the waiting room.

“Was that about Logan? Is everything okay?”

I gave the girl next to me a nod, turning to look at her. “She’s fine. A little beat up, and she has a fractured jaw that’s wired shut and a major concussion along with a few other things, but they think she’s going to be fine.”

I could instantly feel some of the tension dissipate from the Latina next to me as she slid further into the seat, letting out a loud sigh. “Oh thank god.”

After filling the rest of the glee club members on Logan’s status, a few of them decided to head home with the promise to call later to check up on her, seeing as how they were only allowing family to see her right now. Among the few who remained were me, Quinn and Santana, all three of us quiet as we sat in the otherwise empty waiting room. For me, I was processing everything that this day had dished out, for the other two girls I couldn’t say. I had to admit, though, with Quinn and I’s truce from last week and now with Santana’s apology from earlier, I was comforted by the presence of two girls. God knows I needed it.

“How small minded can Lima be? First Kurt had to transfer schools because of idiot Karofsky, and now Logan has a jaw wired shut in the hospital because of some homophobe’s act of revenge? How did either of those two deserve what they’ve been given?”

Quinn’s question caught me off guard, but it was question I had been thinking about myself for the past few hours. What did they do to deserve this?

“They didn’t deserve what’s happened. Neither of them do. It’s bullshit that this whole damn country is so threatened by the fact that someone doesn’t conform to society’s freaking norms.”

I nodded, placing my hand on Santana’s shoulder, both to keep her from getting too riled up as she practically spat out that last small rant. “You’re right. Both of you are. No one should have to wake up and be afraid to go to school or walk down the street and fear that someone will cause them bodily harm. No one deserves any harsh words thrown at them simply because of who they love. But right now, Logan needs us, and we all need each other. God knows if you all hadn’t have found her and-,” my voice cracked, causing my head to dip down to gather myself together. I didn’t even want to think of what could have happened if they hadn’t gotten to my sister in enough time. “I’m grateful that we’ve been able to put our past behind us and I’m grateful that you both are here. Logan’s recovery is going to be long and hard, not just on her but on all of us.”

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders, and I wasn’t at all surprised to see Santana giving me a sad smile as I looked up. “We’re here. Not just for her, but for you and your family. Whatever you guys need. After all, that’s what friends are for, right?”

My eyes glanced between the two girls, both of whom were giving me small smiles that both encouraged me and gave me hope. “Thank you.”


	9. Bass Ass Scars

**Ch:9**

**Logan**

The first hit is always the one you take the hardest.

Because from then on out, it doesn’t matter which punch or kick you receive afterwards. Your mind is frozen, captivated by the first hit. Stunned by the reality that you’re facing something you never expected to face. A thousand things rush through your mind. A thousand memories. A thousand scenarios. A thousand possibilities. 

And everything is different.

Yet, everything is _exactly_ the same.

I can remember the year I came out to my family.

I was fourteen, on my way to becoming a freshman when I first met Nicole. Or, ran into her, I should say. I was attempting to read and walk at the same time, completely unaware of my surroundings until I had the breath knocked out of me and strawberry smoothie running down the front of my shirt. It was my first Fall Out Boy shirt, and I was so pissed that it was now probably ruined. Pissed until I glanced up to chew out the person the smoothie belonged to and felt my heart literally skip a beat or two.

Almost instantly, all the years of never being attracted to the boys in my classes, of never feeling normal, everything made sense. And I fell in love with the girl before she ever even spoke one word.

Of course, being gay was something normal for my family. My mothers were a testament to that. But for myself to come out, even with all the support I was given, was hard and terrifying. I had seen firsthand the abuse my mothers would sometimes have to face. The harsh words or the odd stares while out in public. It was different to be the daughter of a gay couple than being gay myself. I was scared. Confused.

I can remember not being able to sleep, my mind too unfocused to allow myself to fall into any sort of slumber. I can remember having a fight with one of my moms earlier, how cross and upset I had been, and how awful I felt afterwards for taking my confusion and fear out on them instead of talking to them about it.

So, I rolled out of bed, and with tears running down my cheeks, I slowly made my way into their bedroom and blurted out that I was gay before they could even glance up from their respective spots on their bed.

I remember watching their reactions carefully, afraid of something my mind had blown completely out of proportion, only to be left with more tears falling as my mothers held me and told me how nothing that I did, or who I was, would have ever made them stop loving me less.

My sister, however, was a different story. She was straight. Fawning over Finn even back then. When her and her fathers had visited for the holidays, I had pulled her aside almost as soon as she arrived and told her I had a girlfriend. Her reaction was by far the most memorable. She had simply stared at me before laughing, asking if my sexuality was supposed to be a secret, that she had suspected it long ago and was only confirmed when she was showing me her yearbook and noticed my eyes lingering on the cheerleaders much longer than hers.

I remember feeling so complete afterwards, so in tune with myself.

So very different from what I was feeling right now…

Now…now I just feel…out of place…

Lost.

And for once, I’m not afraid…

* * *

 

  **Rachel**

I felt a hand touch my shoulder, causing my eyes to snap open and glance up at my aunt, who smiled softly at me before placing a blanket over my body. I returned the smile, pulling the cover over my slightly chilled body. “Thank you. Any news yet?”

My aunt shook her head, her arms crossing over her body as she glanced over her shoulder. My eyes followed, automatically landing on my sister’s form, my heart still clinching at the sight of her bruised and battered body just lying there. Unmoving. Had it not been for the constant slow beep of a machine situated above my sister's head, I would have been worried if the girl was even breathing at all. But I didn't let myself think like that, instead focusing on the beeping noise that did indeed tell me my sister was alive.

“She’s gonna be okay. She’s a fighter.”

Tearing my eyes away from my sister, I glanced back up at my aunt, smiling. “I know. Where’s Aunt Ella?”

The older woman sat down on the couch next to me, her arms still crossed over her body. “I think she went to go get some coffee or something. I’m not really sure.”

“If you guys want to go home and shower and get some rest, I’m sure my fathers wouldn’t mind staying with her overnight. I know I wouldn’t mind either.”

Cate shook her head, her eyes never leaving her daughter. “We’re fine.”

“Aunt Cate,” I reached over and grabbed her hand, forcing her eyes to look over towards me. “You guys have had your entire world just ripped out from underneath you. You’ve been sitting in this hospital for four days without going home. She needs you guys, and for that to happen you guys must take care of yourselves. Go home and get some rest, eat some food. Just be with each other. I’ll stay with her tonight until you guys get back tomorrow morning and I’ll call if anything happens, I promise.”

My aunt glanced between me and my sister before letting out a sigh. “I guess you’re right. Are you sure you don’t mind staying with her? Because I can call your fathers and have them come stay with you if you want?”

I shook my head, squeezing her hand. “I’ll be alright. You guys go rest. I’ll call if we need anything or if anything changes.”

With a quick smile and grateful hug, my aunt disappeared out of the hospital room, leaving me to face the situation at hand. In the past few hours I had managed to keep my mind off what had happened thanks to my aunts and their constant presence. Now, though, they’re both gone and I finally and fully took in my sister’s unconscious form lying in the small hospital bed that looked rather uncomfortable.

From where I was sitting I couldn’t see much. Just that there were a lot of wires sticking out from underneath the blanket covering her body, all connecting to some sort of machine that a nurse would come in every hour and glance at before writing down and leaving again. The machines that were currently my only way of knowing if my sister was alive…

Shaking my head of those thoughts, I slowly pushed the blanket off my body and stood from the couch. Most of my body ached from sitting in the exact same place, but I ignored my muscle’s protests as I took the last few steps and stopped by my sister’s side, the warmth from my body leaving me almost instantly as I took in what little I could of my big sister that wasn’t bandaged or covered by the scratchy hospital blanket.

Black and purple bruises covered most of her face, a few standing out around her jaw line, no doubt where they said it had been broken. A single cut from the top of her left eyebrow down to the corner of her eye was stitched carefully, but it would obviously leave a scar.

The thought alone, despite seeing my sister in such awful shape made me smile. Logan had always taken pride in every scar she received. She had always said they were battle wounds, put there to help you remember whatever you took out of the fight. She would be impressed by this one. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear her voice as if she was awake and able to communicate with me.

_“Oh come on, Rach! This scar will be bad ass!”_

But once more, my smile faded as I glanced back down at my sister, who was very much still unconscious and unable to say anything to me.

What I wouldn’t give to hear that voice right now. Or see those beautiful blue eyes looking back at me with that same old sparkle they always held when I looked in them.

And who’s fault was it exactly that my sister was unable to do that? I could easily throw blame around the table as fast as anyone else could breath. The people who did this to her. They, I could blame. They had caused this. They had been the ones to physically hurt her and put her in this place…but at the same time there were others that had helped put her here.

Logan’s reasons for coming here was to protect me, to help stop all the bullying that I had been at the center of. Then her protection extended from me to the other glee club members and eventually the Latina I knew was sitting outside the room. It had been us she was trying to protect when she stood up to Taylor the first time, and it had been Santana she was protecting this time around.

Why? I could only guess. Although it didn’t take much to figure out. My sister was not an open book to many people. I had been one of the few who could read her. And I knew that she had developed feelings the feisty cheerleader, but this was something completely different. This was Logan putting herself into harm’s way to keep Santana’s secret from being public before she wanted it to. This was what my sister did to those she loved.

She was in love with her.

And I hadn’t so much as thought as to why this would be like for her. To fall for someone else after their last love had been taken from them so evilly and so suddenly. While she was off protecting me, I hadn’t as so much even thought about doing the same for her.

Tears suddenly filled my eyes, and my knees began to buckle under the weight of today’s events on my shoulders until they eventually let me collapse and fall onto the tiled floor, my head resting against my sister’s hip.

“I’m so sorry, Logan…I should have helped…after all you did…god, I’m such a horrible sister…I…I’m so sorry...”

Out of nowhere, I felt something brush the top of my head, causing my head to snap up and grab onto whatever had touched me. Through the blurriness of my tears, I could make out the ends of fingers and as my eyes slowly traced the fingers and arm and I finally glanced up to see my sister staring down at me with a frown on her face.

Relief rushed through me as I pushed myself off the floor and buried my face into her uninjured shoulder, gently wrapping my arm around her as best as I could without causing her anymore pain than she might have been in. “Logan! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry I’m not a good enough sister! I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you!”

The hand that had originally touched me went back to my head, where it rested lightly on top as my sister did the one thing that I had been praying for the past twelve hours. She held me. And I held her.

After a few seconds, I pulled back, my tears still streaming down my cheeks, but thankfully at a slower pace. My sister was still wearing the same frown from earlier, and I as I wiped at my face I grabbed her free hand. “I love you, Logan. I’m gonna go get a doctor, okay? And then I’m gonna make a phone call to your mothers. I’ll be right outside.”

I swiftly clicked the call button behind her bed, sniffling as still holding onto her hand as a few nurses and doctors came in, all wearing concerned looks on their faces. Once they began to lug around the room, all talking rather too fast for me to keep up with, I told Logan I’d be right back and walked outside the room.

Off to the left, I noticed Santana still asleep in one of the chairs by the doors, her letter man jacket hanging loosely around her slumbering form. It brought a smile to my face as I pulled the jacket up around her shoulders higher, slightly amused when she mumbled something in Spanish before letting out a soft snore.

I quickly made a phone call to my aunts, who assured me that they were on their way with tears evident in their voices. And with one glance at my watch I was thankful they had managed to get some rest in the four hours they had been gone, but the thoughts dumbfounded me. Had I really stood there and stared at my sister for so long? How has it seemed like the past twelve hours edged by as slow as they could, but the last four seemed to leave with the blink of an eye?

I let myself fall into the seat by the Latina, my head falling into my hands as I felt a few more tears drip down. It had felt like a thousand-pound weight had been lifted off my chest. Logan was okay. She was alive, stable and awake. And she was okay.

As the minutes passed, I could vaguely hear my aunts shuffling by me, each of them placing a kiss to the top of my head before they rushed into the room and all the adults started to talk quietly among themselves. In those few moments I had somehow managed to compose myself again and sent off a text to my fathers to let them know that Logan was awake and the doctor was in with her and my aunts right now, and I also sent out a mass text to the gleeks, who I remember had asked for an update on Logan when it was warranted.

Much to my surprise, and unexpected happiness, I received a response from Quinn first, who stated that as soon as she could get dressed she’d be down here to sit with me and Santana. My fathers were next, who promised to be here as soon. When those messages stopped I glanced over at the still sleeping girl next to me, wondering if I should wake her up to fill her in or let her sleep. I remember the last time I had come out to get some air she had still been awake. She probably needed to rest, but I also knew that I waited to tell her Logan was awake she would kill me so I gently nudged the girl’s shoulder, watching as her eyes snapped open and they landed on me. “What? What’s wrong? Is she okay?”

I nodded, leaning back in my chair. “She’s awake. Her mothers are coming and the doctors are in there right now. Quinn said she’s on her way to keep us company.”

Out of the corner of my eyes I could see the girl visibly relax. Much like I had earlier, I expected there to be some sense of relief for the girl. Perhaps she wasn’t in love with Logan as Logan was with her, but it was clear that Santana did harbor some romantic feelings for my sister. “Ay dios mio.”

“Sanni. Good I was hoping to see you here.”

We both turned to glance at the man who was approaching us. He was a tall man, rather good looking if I do say so myself. I was preparing to ask who he was, but was caught off guard by Santana leaping out of her chair and into his arms, murmuring something to him. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. This man was Santana’s father. I had heard her speak briefly of him during a glee club meeting. He was a rather well known doctor. One that specialized in traumas.

“Papi. I’m glad to see you, but what are you doing here? I thought your shift didn’t start for a few more hours?”

Dr. Lopez placed the cheerleader back down on the floor, keeping an arm around her shoulders. “I was called in for a consult. They’ve asked me to take over Logan’s case. I remember you mentioning this girl yesterday when you called to tell me why you had left school to come here.”

I watched as Santana frowned, stopping to stand next to the open door of Logan’s room. “I thought you didn’t take on new cases like this?”

He shrugged, giving us both a small smile. “The way you talked about this girl, Mija, she sounded like you cared about her. I took care of Quinn when she needed stitches a few years ago after she tripped while out running. I even wrapped that stuffed duck of Brittany’s last month when she claimed it fell out of her locker at school. I am here for you, and by extension your friends. Now, who is this here? A friend I haven’t met yet?”

I stood up as soon as I was being spoken of, holding my hand out to the man. “Hello, Dr. Lopez. My name is Rachel Berry. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Santana has said many wonderful things about you and your status as a doctor here.”

From out of the corner of my eye I noticed Santana roll her eyes. “Dad, Rach. Rach, as you already know, this is my Papi. She’s Logan’s sister.”

The man instantly took my hand, smiling softly at me. “The pleasure is all mine, Rachel. It’s good to know Santana is making new friends.”

Once again I noticed the Latina roll her eyes, but she sat down nevertheless, picking at the lint on her Cheerios jacket. “Smooth, Papi.”

The older Lopez chuckled, patting the girl on the head before saying goodbye to me and walking into my sister’s room, the door shutting behind them. His promise to fill us in when their observation was over lingering in the air between the cheerleader and I.

“Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

I nodded, looking over at the girl as she sat down in the chair next to me. “I do. Logan is tough. If she can survive everything she has been through so far in life, then she can do anything.”

When I didn’t receive a response from the older girl I simply stared at her, watching her face to see if I could identify any sort of emotion. But Santana was a closed off person, like my sister, and her face was completely unreadable. “Santana? Are you alright?”

After a few seconds of more silence from her, I figured I wasn’t getting a response, so I let out a sigh, turning away from her and deciding to wait for an update on my sister in the silence she created.

“Do you blame yourself? Or me?”

The question caught me off guard and I let out another sigh before shrugging my shoulders and staring down at my hands. “I don’t blame you.”

“What about yourself?”

Once again, I shrugged, continuing to stare at my hands. “I should have been a better sister to her. She was always protecting me and I couldn’t even be bothered to do the same with her.”

I glanced up when I felt a shoulder nudge mine, only to see the older girl smiling slightly. “Logan loves you, Rach. That’s not hard to see. She’s pretty hell bent on keeping you safe, yeah, but that’s what she’s supposed to do. She can’t always keep you safe though. And you can’t do the same with her. And if you ask me, and I swear to god if you tell anyone this I will deny it, you’re a damn good person and sister. So...don’t blame yourself for this. Wasn’t it you telling us earlier that Logan was gonna need a few people in her corner? Well we’re not just there for her. We’re there for you, too. This isn’t something that she alone is gonna have to deal with. We’re all gonna be affected by this, and we’re all gonna be there for each other. And the only way we can do that is if we stop blaming ourselves and start looking out for our girl.”

Despite everything that has happened, I found myself smiling back at her. “Our girl, huh? So, I take it that my earlier observations are true. You like my sister, don’t you?”

It was amusing to see _the_ Santana Lopez blush. “Look. Your sister is…different, okay? No matter what I feel for her, or what she feels for me, right now all that matters is that she’s okay and we get her healed. So no more yapping about it, alright?”

Nodding, I sat back in my seat, feeling lighter than I had the past couple of hours. Maybe we would all be okay.

Maybe.

“You so totally have it bad for her, don’t you?”

“Rachel! What did I just say?”

Yes. We’re all gonna be just fine.

 


	10. Fight or Flight

**Ch:10**

**Logan**

“Hello my darling sister! How are we doing this fine and lovely morning?”

Rolling my eyes, I continued to glance over the gossip in the magazine that had been within my reach upon waking up, not really that concerned with who had broken up with who, or who was doing who. My mind was going stir crazy. Four and a half weeks stowed up in the hospital with nothing to do besides stare at the beige colored walls or harass the on-call nurses with the call button could really go to a girl’s head.

“Oh, how I do miss those witty comebacks, but I do also love this silence.”

I raised an eyebrow at my sister, using my uninjured arm to shut the magazine before chucking it at her hunched over form, smiling as best as I could with these damn wires as it hit her squarely in the back of the head, causing her brown locks to fly all over the place.

“Logan Gabriella Mackenzie! That was not funny! Why do you insist on throwing these horrific gossip magazines at me?”

I couldn’t help the second eye roll when her hands flew to her hips and a scowl formed om her face. Dramatic much? Nevertheless, the somewhat halfway smile stayed plastered on my face through the entirety of her diva moment.

“Well, I see your hand to eye coordination has improved greatly considering the last magazine you threw at your sister hit me instead.”

Both of our heads turned to see Dr. Lopez enter the room, a smirk (that his daughter had obviously inherited from him) centered on his face as she bent down to pick up the discarded magazine by the door. “So, can I assume that the blame is to be placed on Rachel again? What did she do this time? Too much of her at once?”

I let out a snort, seeing as it was one of the few noises I could still make seeing as I had been forced into muteness for the past two months. My features instantly cooled when I noticed the look my sister was giving me. If looks could kill…

Dr. Lopez placed his hand on my sister’s shoulder, and I watched with amusement as she turned the glare over towards him, which he only laughed at. “I’m kidding, Rachel. You are always a pleasure around here. Sometimes this place gets a little too dreary, and it seems with every visit you brighten up the place a little. Plus, I can tell that it’s been a tremendous help to your sister’s recovery.”

My sister’s glare instantly turned into one of her mega-watt, show stopping smiles as the compliments just fell out of the doctor’s mouths. “Why thank you, Dr. Lopez! I have been hoping that my constant presence has been helping not only to brighten my sister’s day, but all those here as well.”

Oh, if only I could comment on that.

“Well, it most certainly has. Now, back to the matters at hand, shall we? I have Logan’s recent x-rays. From the looks of it, your jaw is pretty much healed. I can make an appointment later for today to remove the wires. There are a few things I would like to discuss with your parents, though, Logan, so while the nurse is doing that, would you like to talk a walk again?”

My shoulders instantly perked up at the thought of escaping this awful hospital room. I had loved the weekly walks he had been allowing me. It was those walks that kept me from going entirely crazy.

Dr. Lopez smiled softly at me, placing the x-rays and stack of papers on the edge of my bed. “I guess I’ll take that as a yes, so do you need help out of bed or can you make it this time on your own?”

After giving him a pointed look, to which he only held his hands up and took a step back from me, I carefully swung my legs over the side of the bed. The pain had dulled down increasingly from all those weeks ago when I first awoken to the sight of my sister with tear stained cheeks, every single inch of my body throbbing like I had been ran over with a car multiple times. With every shallow breath I took, it was mind numbing. And with every burn of my ribs or ache from my jaw or shoulder, it would feel as though it was all happening the first time, and all I could see…all I could feel was that first hit.

But as soon as it passed, I remembered why it had taken place to begin with.

Santana.

So, I pushed through it. I cried at nights when it became too unbearable, or when my nightmares washed over my subconscious. I smiled and accepted every hug that I had been given from those who visited me.

I survived. Santana’s secret was still that, a secret. And that’s all that mattered.

Blinking a few times, I pulled myself out of my head as I let my sock covered feet hit the rather cold, tiled floor and my hand reached out to grab the IV stand, my eyes automatically looking up to see how close my sister and Dr. Lopez were. Granted, I was fiercely independent at times, but even I knew the amount of stress my body was under, and I wasn’t afraid to ask for help if my legs decided not to work at this moment.

Luckily enough, my sister was only a few feet away, and apparently, she sensed my distress seeing as she held out one hand, an encouraging smile resting on her face. I quickly took her hands, letting her help pull me into a standing position, offering her a small smile in return, hoping that she could see the gratitude in it since I couldn’t verbally do it.

“Alright, well it seems like you two have this under control. I’ll leave you to it. Page me if you need anything.”

With one last wave, Dr. Lopez left the room, and I took a few seconds to relish in the feeling of not being trapped in a bed, a sort of tradition that I had adopted for the few times my feet had touched solid ground, my toes curling and uncurling.

“I brought you some gifts from the other gleeks. Also, Quinn said she’d be over after cheerio’s practice.”

My sister handed me a stack of papers, all small little notes from each of the glee club members. Some doodles, while others continued to wish me well. However, this time there were a few pictures resting on top. I flipped through them, smiling at the goofy faces of Mike, Tina, Kurt and my sister in the choir room, and at Quinn holding up a piece of paper with the words “miss you” written across it. But my fingers stalled at the next picture, the smile automatically dropping at the sight.

It was of Santana. Of her sitting alone in one of the chairs on the risers of the choir room, oblivious to her picture being taken as she frowned down at something in her hands, something that I couldn’t see.

I hadn’t seen, or even heard from the Latina since the accident. I had sent off a few texts the week after I had woken up, but they had all gone unanswered, and I didn’t want to push the girl any further than needed so I had stopped. I figured she had just needed time to process everything, and that she would eventually show up to see me, but that never happened.

“She blames herself, you know.”

My eyes snapped up from the picture in my hands to stare my sister, who was waiting by the door of my room, her arms crossed over her body, an unreadable look gracing her face. I hadn’t wanted to mention the girl to my sister. I hadn’t wanted to mention any of this to her. It was easier to deal with that way. It was easier to breath if I didn’t think about her. It was easier to not feel the hurt…

“I’ve tried getting her to come, but she shuts down almost automatically at the mere mention of you now. She’s hurting, and she blames herself so that’s why you haven’t seen her. But before you place any judgement on her, you should know exactly what happened that day at school, Logan.”

Shaking my head, I started to fidget with the wires on my IV stand, wanting nothing more than to steer this one-way conversation to _anything_ but this.

“Logan, do you remember what happened after the attack?”

I took a deep breath through my nose, my grip on the stand tightening slightly. Could she not see that I didn’t want to do this? That I just wanted to drop this all together?

“Quinn found you. After she realized that you hadn’t emerged from the locker room for your class, she went to find you and walked in on Taylor and her brother attempting to run away through the back entrance of the locker room. She called both Santana and I, but San was there before I was, and I waited at the school while Quinn and Santana rode with you to the hospital.”

My grip on the stand tightened even more, my knuckles turning white from the amount of force I was putting behind it, but the sadness in my sister’s voice stopped me from interrupting her. I had heard the logistics of what had happened after the attack, and I could vaguely remember hearing Santana’s voice and sirens, but I had thought it was something my head had made up to use for one of my nightmares.

“She was there when you…when you had those complications upon arrival. She was the only one to witness it besides the doctors that night. Quinn had stayed behind to talk to the police, but San had saw it. She saw you almost die, Logan. When I heard that, I expected her to run away, to not look back at any of this, but instead she was sitting outside the emergency room when we all arrived. She refused to say anything at first. But she never left. Even after all the other glee club members left, she stuck around. Even after we were told you were alive, she still refused to leave. Her dad had to actually carry her out of the hospital, and she calls me every single night to get an update on you. She never comes right out and asks, but I know that’s why she’s calling me. Santana cares about you, Logan. Please don’t think that she does.”

After a few seconds of silence, I released my grip on the IV stand, turning my head towards the direction of my sister. In those few seconds our eyes held each other’s gazes, I knew she knew. She knew my feelings for her. And she knew that Santana at least felt something for me as well.

And for the first time in almost two months, I felt hope. 

* * *

**Logan**  

“Please let us drive you over there.”

I let out a sigh, turning to look over at my mothers, both of whom were staring at me with worry filled eyes. Not that I blamed them. This whole attack thing had to have been so stressful for them. “I’m supposed to walk.”

“I know, but-.”

Stepping forward, I wrapped my good arm around one of my mothers, standing between the two of them. “I’ll call when I get there. Promise.”

They both squeezed me tightly, keeping caution of the sling I was still having to wear for the next week and half before I could finally start physical therapy. “Okay, but please be careful. You have your pepper spray on you?”

I nodded, patting my pocket for emphasis as I reached down to grab my backpack from the place I had tossed it earlier. Tonight was supposed to be a huge step in my mental recovery from the attack. Or at least that’s my therapist told me and my mothers. I personally found it unfair that I’m just now able to leave the house to stay over at Rachel’s.

I had been released two days after the wires from the jaws were removed. Everything was healing nicely, and I had begun to speak better without feeling any pain, but because of the minimum amount of mobility I was allotted due to my shoulder and ribs, I had been locked up in my house for almost two weeks now.

Yeah, it was better than the god awful beige color hospital room I had been in, and this was home, but I went from being locked up in one place to being locked up _again_ in another.

My mind was going crazy, and my therapist had agreed that I needed to go out and socialize, so here I was, at the three-month mark after my attack having a sleepover with some of the glee club girls at Rachel’s house.

I quickly gave a kiss to the cheek to each of my mothers before starting out the front door, my feet halting at the steps of the front porch. Christmas had come and gone, but Lima was still feeling the chill of winter weather in February. I missed seeing the snow, something that I had loved since I was little girl, but my sister had been thoughtful enough to sneak in a jar full of the white powder one day during her visits. And even now, with the cold air whipping my hair around my face, I felt myself smile.

My feet took off down the sidewalk, and I fidgeted pulled my phone out, scrolling through my long list of songs before I finally found the one I had heard during my interminable stay in the hospital.

Part of Rachel’s thought process to help me recover faster had been to shower me with endless amounts of movies and music, and during one of our weekend movie marathons I had relented and allowed her to bring some of her musical collection. I suffered through more than one showing of _Funny Girl_ and _Mama Mia!_ being both amused and annoyed that my sister decided she needed to belt out every song from both movies. But when she had pulled out _RENT_ , one of the few musicals I had yet to see, I fell in love instantly. The story line was both heartbreaking and captivating at the same time, and I begged for my sister to make me a copy of the soundtrack.

I’ve heard people say that music can change them. That a single strand of lyrics or the simple shift from one chord to another on the piano can shake your entire being right there on the spot. I had yet to have been a believer in that. Sure, the piano was something I found sanctuary in, and there are a few times I have found myself getting lost in the beauty of the sound that comes from my fingers ghosting over the keys, but I had yet to have that life altering moment from music.

Until I had watched that movie.

We hadn’t even managed to make it through the movie before I had broken down in tears and halfheartedly wrote to my sister that this was my moment. I understood that we weren’t given the promise of tomorrow, that I understood all too well even before my attack. And I was aware that the past was exactly that. Something that you can only learn from. The only thing you can hope to accomplish is to live for the moment. That there’s no day but today.

So that’s why I was currently taking the longer route to my sister’s house, my mind set on doing exactly that as I finally stopped in front of my destination, slightly winded from the walk, but nevertheless just as determined as I eagerly rang the doorbell and took a deep breath.

From the other side of the door, I heard muffled Spanish before it swung open, revealing a disheveled looking woman that I recognized as Santana’s mother. Dr. Lopez, or Tony, seeing as he thought we should be on first name basis by now, had shown me a few pictures of his wife that he had kept in his wallet.

“May I help you?”

I blinked a few times, mentally cursing myself for just standing there staring at the woman and not saying anything. “Oh, I’m so sorry. You must be Mrs. Lopez, no?”

“Novio, who is as the door?”

I instantly perked up at the voice of the man who had been a huge help in my recovery, my eyes glancing around his wife as she strode up beside her. “Logan? What are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

“Hi, Tony. Everything is perfectly fine. With me, that is. I’m sorry for just showing up like this.”

“Ah, so this is the girl you and Sanni have been talking non-stop about?”

I blushed slightly, somewhat honored that Santana had mentioned me to her parents, but held my hand out to her mother as I smiled. “Hi, Mrs. Lopez. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Your husband has told me many wonderful things about you.”

Much to my surprise, the woman pulled me into a hug, and by extension into the house. “Oh, there’s no need such formal talk. I feel as though I already know you, Logan. Please call me Maribel.”

I let out a light laugh, returning the hug as best as I could. “Okay.”

After she released me, they both ushered me further into the house, Tony already asking how I was doing. “I’m good. There’s hardly any pain at all. The therapy is going good, too. I’m actually going to a sleepover at my sister’s.”

I took the seat opposite the couple on the love seat, my eyes glancing around the living room. There were dozens of family pictures all over the walls, some candid while others were obviously posed. It was definitely how I pictured a normal family’s house to look.

“Oh, is that the sleepover Santana said she was going to skip tonight?”

Nodding, I turned my attention back to the two on the couch, remembering why I had come here to begin with. “Yes. Actually, I was wondering if she was home?”

Maribel stood from her spot on the couch, moving towards the stairs to my left. “She most certainly is. I’ll go get her, you just make yourself at home, sweetie.”

I waited until the sound of her footsteps was nothing more than a distant sound before turning to look at Tony, who was watching me carefully, as if he was contemplating something before he abruptly cleared his throat. “You have feelings for my daughter, don’t you?”

Panic almost instantly flooded my body, and try as I might, I couldn’t help but stutter out a bunch of mumbled words, unsure of how to respond to his question, confused by how sudden it was, and afraid of how this would play out.

This is what I had tried to keep from getting out. I knew the Santana feared what everyone at school would think of her if they found out about her being gay, but I knew that the thought of per parents finding out scared her more than anything. But then again, maybe they didn’t know she was gay. He hadn’t asked if Santana had feelings for me, or if we were together. So that’s a plus, right?

My panic stopped, though, when the sound of his laughter pulled me out of my head as I looked towards the man who was pretty much doubled over, holding his stomach as he laughed, which only confused me further. “Oh, Logan, that has to have been the most hilarious look I have ever received from someone who has had feelings for my daughter.”

Confused now and more than ever, and still unable to speak, I just stared at the man. “Wh-…I…I don’t…uh…”

The Latino man stood up from the couch, a small, gentle smile resting on his face. “Would you like some water, Logan?”

Still rather confused by the comment, I nodded, watching as the man disappeared into the kitchen and then reappeared with a glass of water in his hand. I quickly took it, taking a sip as I mumbled out a thank you to Tony, who retook his seat on the couch.

“You can calm down, Logan. I’ve known about my daughter for a while now.”

I raised an eyebrow, taking another sip of my water before sitting it down on the coffee table in front of me. “Excuse me?”

As if possible, the man’s smile grew. “Sanni. I’ve known about her liking girls for a while now. Since she was little, and I can assure you, I have no problem with it. Lima may be homophobic and close minded, but me and wife, we aren’t.”

My body involuntarily let out a breath of relief, all the tension in my body dissipating at the man’s words. “Oh, thank goodness. You really had me there for a second, Tony.”

The only thing he offered as a comeback was another smile, and the silence that followed a few seconds later felt ten times as better than it had when I had first arrived. I no longer was afraid my presence would be a negative factor in this house. Well, at least not for Tony and his wife apparently. The only thing I had left to worry about was the younger Lopez.

“Mom, would you stop pushing me? Sheesh, you act like the president is here or something.”

 My head automatically turned towards the stairs at the sound of Santana’s voice, that momentary feeling of relief being replaced with second thoughts and panic. What if this was a bad idea? Maybe I can escape out the front door before she makes it down the stairs and I can just play it off that I wasn’t feeling so well…

“Logan?”

Well. Too late now.

Taking a deep breath, I stood up from the love seat, brushing my hair away from my face as I locked eyes with the girl I had helplessly fell for a few months back. “Hi, Santana.”

The Latina frowned, her arms crossing over herself in a defensive posture. “What are you doing here?”

I took a step towards her, trying not to let the fact that she automatically took a step backwards hurt much more than it should. “San…we need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

From off to the left of us, I could see Maribel’s eyes narrow at her daughter. “Santana, don’t rude. I’m sorry, Logan. I don’t know what her problem is.”

Shaking my head, I waved off her mother’s comment, although my eyes never left the girl in front of me, who was making it very obvious that she was trying to ignore my presence completely. “You can’t hide from me forever, Santana.”

Brown eyes instantly met mine, guilt and fear swimming in them. I had only ever seen those eyes full of repressed anger and self-hate. Seeing them like this wasn’t any better.

“Uh, maybe we should give them a moment, novia. We’ll be on the back patio if you need us girls.”

I smiled politely at Tony, thankful for giving me the chance to speak to his daughter alone, waiting until I heard the patio door sliding open and then closed once again before I let out a sigh and returned my attention back to Santana. “Why are you not going to the sleepover at Rachel’s?”

Those brown eyes, that had been glued to my form instantly lost all hint of emotion as they hardened and looked away from me. “Because I already have to put up with all those drama queens at school. Like hell I’d willingly spend a Friday night with them.”

“Santana-.”

“No, just don’t, okay? I can’t do this. Not right now, Logan.”

Shaking my head, I rummaged through my backpack, choosing to ignore that comment for now. “Listen, I get that you’re upset over what happened. I know you feel guilty about it, but I’m not here for that. I came here to bring you this.”

I held out the small, wrapped box, watching at confusion filled the other girl’s face. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s your late Christmas present. I got it a few days before the atta...uh, sectionals, but I was kinda out of commission during the holidays and since you refused to come and see me, I had to wait to give it to you.”

After seeing the other girl wasn’t going to move from her spot, I tossed the present on the table before carefully swinging my backpack over my shoulder. “They’re train tickets.”

The Latina glanced up from staring at the box on the table, an eyebrow raised. “Train tickets? For what?”

“You. If you want them. They’re two round trip tickets from Columbus to Chicago.”

“I don’t understand. Why would I need these?”

“Because my mothers are too afraid to send me back to McKinley, and by extension, Ohio. They were offered their previous positions back in Chicago, and they told me a week ago that we were moving back at the end of this month. I know you feel guilty over what happened, San. Rachel told me about your conversation with her, and you have to that know this wasn’t your fault. None of this was.”

Santana’s frown furthered, her eyes going back to stare at the box on the coffee table like it had offended her somehow just by being there before she looked back up at me. I had thought I’d seen her angry, but this was a completely different look for the girl. “How can it not be my fault, Logan? You were attacked because of me. You almost died because of me, so don’t fucking stand there and try to tell me that everything is okay, because it’s not. None of this is okay in any fucking way. All of this is fucked up and it’s my fault and I’ve learnt to live with that so why can’t you just drop it and leave me alone?”

“I wasn’t beaten because of you, Santana. I was beaten because I’m gay and I like girls and I had disrupted the social order at our idiotic high school. That could have happened to anyone. It almost did with Kurt, and it’s not going to stop with me. But you weren’t the one who put me in the hospital, Santana. You didn’t lay a hand on me, so as far as I’m concerned, you had nothing to do with it.”

Instead of replying, she simply shook her head, tearing her gaze away from me to scowl at the floor. I could tell she was aggravated, but it wasn’t because of me showing up and confronting her. This was pent up anger and guilt all spewing out on the nearest outlet she could find. “I didn’t come here to fight with you over this, Santana. I just came to ask you to make a choice. You can stop blaming yourself, and talk to me, or you can choose to ignore me until I leave and then go back to being that bitchy cheerleader, angry at the world and at yourself. It’s up to you, San. And if you really don’t want me to be a part of your life anymore, then I’ll respect that and you’ll never have to hear from me again.”

After a few seconds of silence from the other girl, I started off towards the front door, attempting to ignore the ache in my chest. Something I had thought I’d repaired all those months ago when Lima became a part of my future. “We leave a week from tomorrow. Rachel and Quinn are driving the other glee club members up to the airport to say goodbye. If you don’t show, then I’ll take that as my answer.”

My feet began to slow as I started to pass through the front door, my mind telling me to just walk away, but my heart having other plans as I felt myself turn and walk back towards the girl who had moved away from the stairs to pick up the present from the coffee table. Quickly, I wrapped my free arm around her waist, hugging her tightly to me for a few seconds before pulling away and hurrying out the door, not at all bothering to turn back, afraid that if I did I’d see her standing there. And one more look at the girl would have my resolve melting and I’d be begging her to choose the first option, to stay in my life and not walk out.

But this was something she had to choose.

It was time to either fight or flight.

And I hoped to god she would choose the first. After all, I’m not sure what losing two people I loved within such a short time would do to me. Losing Nicole had almost killed me…losing Santana…well that’s a road I hope to never travel.


	11. Platform 7

**Ch:11**

**Santana**

“Here’s an idea: why don’t you go and tell the damn girl how you feel and then we can stop this freaking cycle you two have put us all in?”

Rolling my eyes, I resisted the urge to slap the blonde across the face. “Well, Ice Queen, have you forgotten this year’s events? She was fucking attacked because of me. It’s not that freaking simple.”

Oh god. Now I’m quoting The Notebook? Where the hell did HBIC, BAMF Santana Lopez go? Right out the window the second Logan popped into life and freaking turned it upside down.

Freaking love.

See, this is why I don’t do all that mushy shit or anything like that. At least not often. Because when I do, crap like this happens. I fall head over heels for someone as perfect as Logan, and she’s got fucking baggage the size of Montana, which was getting better and then she had to go and kiss me and run off and…and almost die.

She almost died…because of me…

People get hurt when I love them.

“Santana, Logan’s attack wasn’t your fault. It’s the same thing that went down with Kurt and why he was at Dalton. This kind of stuff happens all the time and it’s awful, especially since it hit so close to home, but you can’t let this eat at you.”

But it does, Quinn. It’s been eating at me since the second I walked in that locker room with you and saw her beaten and bloody body laying helplessly on the floor. Why can’t anyone understand that? “Can we just drop it? I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

Ignoring the look I was getting, I slid up to my locker, turning the dial as fast as I could so I could busy myself with rummaging through my locker in hopes to avoid this conversation that Quinn seemed so damn adamant about. And knowing the blonde, she wasn’t going to let it end on that note.

“S, you can’t keep avoiding this. She leaves in three days. You’re running out of time.”

Sometimes I really hate being right. “Quinn, I told you I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. God, just stop!”

If I wasn’t immune to her icy glare, I would have buckled under the look she was giving me. Glad to see some things never change. “Are you really going to let this fall apart like this? You’re going to what? Just give up and never speak to her again and act like nothing ever happened? That you don’t love her, because don’t you dare freaking say you don’t, I know you, S. I know that you don’t want to let her slip through your fingers. Don’t be a coward.”

Something inside of me snapped, and I slammed my locker shut, causing the blonde next to me to jump slightly, but she still kept her glare in place. “You wanna talk about being a _coward_ , Q? What about the girl you’re so madly in love with? Are you going to just let her boyfriend slobber all over her and never say a damn word? Are you going to let your daddy’s words finally control your life and be nothing but a pressed lemon?”

Well that managed to make the glare disappear. “We are not in the same boat, Santana.”

“Aren’t we though? You and I are exactly the same people, Q. We both have had our heads stuck so far up our asses, afraid of who we really are, that we’ve become the biggest bitches to have ever walked these halls. The only thing different between me and you, is that my girl actually knows I have feelings for her. Yours just thinks you hate her.”

With a huff, Quinn stomped off down the hall, the crowd of students parting like the red sea for her, all probably too afraid of the metaphoric flames coming from her eyes. “Fine! Be that way! See if I ever do a damn thing for you again, Lopez!”

I let out a sigh, watching one of my best friends disappear around the corner of the hall. _Way to go, Lopez. You’re just screwing everything up, aren’t you?_

Shaking myself from my head, I took off in the opposite direction, my ever-present scowl falling into place like it had been for the past few months. Damn school. Damn Lima. Damn fucking everything. God, why did everything have to be so freaking difficult?! Why can’t anything be easy?

I could choose to just turn my back on Logan. She gave me an out, and all I have to do is take it. But where would that get me? Q had a point. I would be exactly where I was before. I would be that same old bitch that everyone hated and no one ever loved.

Or I could choose to talk to her, tell her how I really felt and use those train tickets to go see her. But I couldn’t come out. Not yet. I couldn’t handle all the whispers and looks I’d get at this school, hell, in this town just for being with another girl. I mean, look what happened with Kurt? He didn’t even have a boyfriend and he was still given crap for it. I might have been a bitch, but there’s no way in hell I’m invincible.

I slipped into my classroom right as the bell was ringing, ignoring the look the teacher gave me as I stopped at my empty lab table. It shouldn’t be empty. I shouldn’t be alone.

But I am, and I probably always will be.

* * *

 

**Quinn**

“Okay, so, you’re coming up for a week in July, right? Right before senior year starts?”

I smiled, watching as the girl who I had believed to be an enemy at the beginning of this year and somehow turned into one of my closest friends, scurry around her room, tossing the last few items into the box on her bed. “Yes, Logan. I’ve already cleared it with my mom and she’s cleared it with your mothers. Everything is good to go so would you stop freaking out?”

She stopped suddenly, turning to look at me, my eyes automatically looking up towards the scar on her forehead. I could understand how Santana blamed herself. I still blamed myself a little for leaving her alone in the locker room, but Rachel had a point. What good would it do to blame ourselves?

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m just not used to having friends and it just seems so surreal sometimes.”

Smiling at her, I taped up the last box before plopping down next to it, patting the empty spot next to me. “Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me now, Mackenzie. Get used to it.”

She returned the smile, taking a seat next to me as her eyes scanned the room. It was quiet for a few seconds, neither of us saying anything. The both of us just content with this, what our friendship was made of, each other’s presence keeping the other somewhat calm.

It had started back when she was in the hospital. The silence was inevitable, because of her jaw, so when I had started my weekly visits, I would just sit with her. It seemed to help her, and from then on, even after her jaw had healed, we would spend many nights like this. Just sitting in the silence.

“She’s not coming…is she?”

I sighed, turning my head to look over at her. “Honestly? I have no idea. I know she wants to, but she’s so damn stubborn and won’t listen to anyone.”

Visibly, I could see Logan deflate, not at all happy with the answer I had given her. But I knew that in the end she appreciated the honesty, and that I hadn’t lied to simply appease her until her hopes were crashed in a little under an hour. I couldn’t do that to her.

“Well, I guess we should be heading down then. Everyone’s probably waiting on us.”

She started to stand up from the bed, but I reached out and grabbed her wrist, forcing her to stop. I quickly slid off the bed to stand in front of her, my hand still gripping her wrist. “Hey, listen, I know we all agreed to do our goodbyes at the airport, but I don’t think I can do it in front of all those losers.”

Logan laughed lightly, nodding as I let go of her wrist. “Aw, you’re not gonna cry are you, Quinnie?”

After giving her a playful smack on the arm, to which she only laughed harder at, I let out a sigh, pulling something out of my jacket pocket, smiling down at the picture she and I had taken a few weeks ago at Rachel’s slumber party. Both of us were making goofy faces at the camera, one arm thrown around each other. “I made two copies of this. One for me to keep her and one for you to take with you. I figured it might help a little, ya know?”

She took the picture from her, her eyes scanning over it before they welled up with tears and she practically launched herself at me, whispering her thanks. It startled me for a few seconds, but I eventually wrapped my own arms around the girl, a few tears stinging the back of my eyes. “I’m gonna miss you, Mackenzie.”

“You have no idea, Fabray.”

* * *

  **Rachel**

“You promise you’ll call? Every day?”

My sister smiled, nodding as she sat her suitcase down on the floor next to us, offering a small smile over my shoulder. I turned slightly to see the few glee club members who had shown up, offering my own smile to the group that I had gotten so close over the past year. Thanks to my sister.

Tina was currently crying on Mike’s shoulder, the latter had a comforting arm wrapped around his girlfriend, not at all ashamed to let a few tears of his own slide down his cheeks. Next to them was Artie, giving a sad smile as he held Brittany’s hand, who had a few tears of her cascading down her face, but smiled nonetheless as she hugged the duck Logan had given her to her chest, Logan's own match perched on her suitcase. Jekyll and Hyde, names by both blondes. Mr. Shue was off to the side, talking quietly with my fathers and Logan’s mothers, the curly-haired teacher wiping discretely at his eyes before hugging my aunts. Puck was offering a half smirk, with a promise not to be put back in juvie while Logan was away. Apparently the two had become “bro’s” over the course of Logan’s recovery when he would visit her. Finn was standing next to him, staring down at the ground with his hands shoved in his pockets. The poor boy never handled this type of thing correctly. And finally, stood a frazzled Quinn, probably crying the most out of all of us as she clutched some kind of picture or something to her chest. It was odd, to see one of my biggest tormentors become so close to my sister, and to myself as well. It was a side of Quinn that I hoped would continue on through our senior year, and possibly afterwards. But it was good that her and Logan had befriended each other. They suited each other quite well.

“Every night, seven sharp, so I won’t interrupt your nightly routine. Which, by the way, Rach…still a little nutty, don’t you think?”

Through my own tears, I laughed at my sister, who was obviously trying to lighten the mood of this rather somber event. “I’m going to miss you, Logan.”

_“Flight 213 to Chicago now boarding on platform 7.”_

Both of us glanced up at the ceiling, as if searching for the voice would somehow prolong the inevitable goodbye that we were faced with. I felt a hand run across my shoulder blades before I was pulled into a hug by my aunt’s, both promising to call when they could as well.

When they pulled back, I glanced over to see my sister and Quinn hugging it out once more, both with tears now flowing freely down their cheeks as they whispered something to the other. Eventually, they broke apart and my sister automatically wrapped her arms around my body, forcing my own tears to now fall.

“I love you, Rach. I’ll text you when I can, okay? And make sure Mr. Shue gets a copy of Nationals on DVD for me. And keep an eye out for Quinn for me…and Santana…”

Not trusting my voice for once, I simply nodding, hugging my sister tighter to me, my eyes squeezing shut in hopes it would help with the tears. Of course, it was a failed attempt seeing as they only continued with greater force when my sister pulled back from me.

She took one last look around the group, her eyes searching for the one person I knew she wanted to be here more than ever. The Latina had become MIA since Friday, even skipping out on school, with no one knowing where she was. Phone calls and texts had went unanswered, and even the cheerleader's parents, who had stopped by Logan's house earlier this morning had said the girl left before they'd woke up and had only texted to let them know she'd be back home later. 

“Logan, baby, it’s time to go.”

My sister nodded, squeezing the one hand of mine that she had kept when we pulled away from the hug. “I love you, Rachel. Stay safe.”

“I love you, too, Logan.”

With one last squeeze, she let go of my hand, offering a small wave to the group behind me before she wiped at her cheeks and started off in the direction of the platform behind her mothers, walking backwards until she reached the terminal. She paused at the door, smiling one last time before she blew a kiss in our direction and disappeared down the hall.

I felt someone slid up next to me and entwine my fingers with theirs, and had it not been for the soft skin that met mine, I would have thought it was Finn finally coming to comfort me, but one glance to my right had me smiling as Quinn let out a sigh, her eyes never leaving the terminal where my sister had just left. “What do you say we go get ready for Nationals?”

This year had changed so much, and had changed so many people. And something had me thinking that maybe things were going to continue to keep changing.

“Sounds like a plan.”

With a squeeze, she let go of my hand, walking back towards the group, all of who were agreeing to an unplanned glee club meeting. My eyes trailed the blonde’s form, a small smile coming to rest on my face.

Yes, quite possibly things were going to change.

* * *

 

**Logan**

I glanced back down at the stack of pictures in my hands, smiling softly at the moments I had managed to capture back in Lima.

After carefully pinning them to the cork board above my desk, I ran my fingers across each, the memories themselves flooding my brain. The goofy pictures Quinn and I had taken at my sister’s sleep over. My sister and I posing in front of our sectionals trophy after the competition. A group picture of the glee club for yearbook, and lastly, my favorite. Rachel had taken the picture of Santana and I standing at the piano together after sectionals, smiles on both of our faces, neither of us knowing what was to follow.

Shaking myself of my thoughts, I slung my bag over my shoulder before hurrying out of my room and through the apartment, calling off to my mothers that I would be back soon and promised to send a text when I made it to my destination and when I was heading back home again.

I let my hand linger over the door knob of front door of the apartment, the suppressed noise from the other side filling my ears, but causing me to smile anyway. Chicago was, and always would be home, but Lima had become home, too. And as glad as I was to be back, there was a greater part of me that wishes I was back in Ohio, eating junk food on the couch with Quinn and my sister as we watched some horribly made horror movie, all the while listening to my sister ramble on and on about CGI and special effects and that she didn’t understand how a movie with such a horrible plot line could gain enough support to become a movie.

Once the door was open, my eyes automatically glanced around me. This new apartment wasn’t far from the old one we had lived in before moving to Lima, so the area was still familiar to me, and I didn’t even have to second guess myself as my feet started off in the direction of my intended destination.

I passed by a lot of buildings that made up my childhood, my feet carrying me past each one and only stopping when I reached the edge of a grassy field, the old metal sign still in its usual place, and my fingers automatically traced over the worn letters before my hand fell limply back to my side and I walked into the field, passing by each tombstone before I found the one I was looking for.

Not much had changed on it, or around it, in the past three years. The larger black lettering still as devastating as the day I watched them put her in the ground. And many times, had I found myself standing in this exact spot staring at those letters.

I carefully sat down a few feet in front of the stone, my eyes never leaving it. “Hey, Nicole. Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve visited.”

The breeze picked up around me, and for a second it was as if she was answering me, and I could hear her snarky remark in my ear saying, _“You think?”_

The thought caused me to smile as I picked at the grass in front of the grave, chewing on my bottom lip. “So, I’m not sure how the whole after-life thing works, but, uh, in case you didn’t already know, I went to Lima for a while…to help my sister with her bullying stuff since I couldn’t help with…you know…and, uh, I met someone…a girl who I think you’d probably find obnoxious and completely not my type, and you’d probably laugh at me for it, too, but…she’s not what she seems. She’s hard to read, but great once you get past the first chapter or so.”

Pausing, I let out a sigh, my hand stalling from running through the blades of grass. “She liked me back, but some things happened and she chose not to be with me. Which…I guess is okay…except it’s not. I miss her. I haven’t talked to her since the day I handed her the tickets, and Rachel told me last night she found them in her locker yesterday…so, I guess that’s it for us. But, I just figured I’d let you know. I know your letter to me told me that I shouldn’t be afraid to love someone after you, but it seems like I’m not so good at that anymore. But it’s good to be back in Chicago. Everything here reminds me of you, though, but I feel like my time in Lima helped a lot with that…”

The breeze around me picked up once again, and I smiled softly, reaching forward to brush the small patch of dirt off the edge of the stone, my vision clouding with unshed tears.

Everything, much like myself, has changed entirely. I wasn’t the broken, emotionally cut off girl that flew in from Chicago with the mindset of wearing a cape and saving my sister from the same fate as my girlfriend. Now…now I’m not so sure who I am…

Maybe this coming year can help change that.


	12. Nationals

**Ch:12**

**Rachel**

“I just wanted to tell you all, that no matter what happens here today, as long as you all had fun and did your best…well, then I’m glad to have been on this journey with you all. I think I can speak for everyone when I say these past two years have been both hard, yet rewarding in so many ways. I’ve seen you all go through so much, but you’ve always managed to come out on top, and have been there for each other no matter what everyone else threw at you. Not only have we come out on top as club, but as a family. And even though our entire family is not here, I know somewhere down deep inside my heart that they are here with us in spirit. Rachel, you had something you wanted to say?”

Nodding, I smiled at our teacher, somewhat surprised by his motivational speech. Over the course of our competition seasons, they had started to become much more whole and on point, bringing us together as a team (and as Mr. Shue pointed out, a family) instead of this old, “do great, you can achieve anything” kind of speeches.

“Thank you, Mr. Shue. I talked to Logan earlier. She wishes more than anything that she could be here, and since she couldn’t be, she asked if I could say something to you all before we went on. So, this is from Logan…when I came to McKinley this past year, I had little hope of anything good coming out of it. I came angry, and unwilling to let anyone in, out of fear that I would, once again, be left heartbroken and unsure of what to do with myself. And I was bound and determined to do just that. But leave it to the New Directions to change that, because if anyone was going to prove me wrong, it would be you bunch of losers,” there was collective group of laughs from the show-circle, and I found even myself smiling at my sister’s words. “I’ve come to realize that inside of this show choir club, there are many people. The geeks, the jocks, the cheerleaders, the headstrong diva, the insecure kid who thinks they don’t fit in anywhere, the girl who hides who she truly is from everyone else, but mostly a group of kids just wanting to be noticed as someone other than the school freaks…kids who just want to fit in. Which is exactly what I was. Now, I’m not going to say much about my accident. Just that, without it, I wouldn’t have realized how much you all meant to me. Even if some of you where complete bitches to me at first, and yes, Quinn. I’m naming you specifically. I hope you all know that each of you holds a special place in my heart, and I wish you all nothing more than the best in life. This definitely wasn’t goodbye, I’ll be seeing you all soon. Go out there and kick some ass. I know how hard you all have worked for this, so own that stage. I love you, guys. Logan.”

A few seconds of silence passed as my sister’s small speech set in to all of us. I found myself glancing over in the direction of Santana, who had made no move from her spot at the back of the show-circle, a frown plastered on her face. It had taken up residence there for the past few weeks at school. The fierce, no-mercy HBIC had reared her ugly side again at the departure of my sister, with no one safe, except those from glee club. I knew Logan’s words were effecting the girl, I just couldn’t tell if it was in a good way, or a bad way.

“I think Logan said it all guys. I’m really proud of you for making it this far. So, in honor of Logan, I vote we dedicate this year’s performance to her. All in favor?”

“Now _that_ is something I can agree to.”

Everyone’s head snapped around to see my sister standing in the doorway of the green room, a smug smile on her face. “What are you all staring at? You honestly didn’t think I’d ever miss this, did you?”

* * *

 

  **Logan**

Quinn was the first to break off from the group, and I couldn’t help but laugh with her as she practically tackle-hugged me. I had reservations about just showing up at Nationals without so much as telling anyone, but Quinn’s reaction alone was enough to prove to me that I had made the right decision.

My sister was next to hug me, and even though we talked or Skyped every single night since our move back to Chicago, it was still great to hear her voice and see her in person. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming!”

I pulled away from her, keeping my hands on her shoulders. “Come on, Rach. My little sister is performing in New York City. You’ve dreamt of this for years. Like hell I was going to miss it. I dropped everything and moved to another city just to keep you safe. This was a pebble compared to that boulder, sis.”

She laughed lightly before hugging me again, and soon enough I was passed around the room, each glee club member saying hello to me in any way they could. The majority of them handed out hugs, save for one or two of the boys, but as I found myself standing in front of Santana, my smile faded.

This, I had been preparing myself for, for two days, when my mothers had agreed to making the trip to New York to see everyone perform. Nothing that popped into my head was ever going to be good enough to say to her. I wasn’t afraid to admit my feelings for the girl, but she had made it perfectly clear that she felt the same way, but was still too afraid of herself to do anything about it. This was her choice, not mine, and as much as it hurt, I would have to accept that. Even if it killed me that she only spared me one glance before walking out of the room, the awkward silence deafening.

“Logan.”

I shook my head, turning towards my sister. “Don’t, Rachel. This isn’t about me. This is about you guys. I came here to support you all, Santana included. Now, what are we waiting for? You all have some show-choir pansy asses to kick!”

As if on Que, the lights in the room flickered, signaling that it was time for the New Directions to perform. There was one last cheer from everyone, and I piled out with my friends, only stopping at the edge of the stage with Mr. Shue to follow him to our seats down below the stage.

My mothers and Rachel’s fathers were already seated, along with Ms. Pillsbury and Sue, who both gave me polite smiles as I slid past them and into a seat between my mothers, taking a deep breath as the house lights dimmed and the announcer’s voice filled the room.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Let’s give a round of applause to our first group of the night, all the way from Lima, Ohio the New Directions!”

I clapped way too enthusiastically, earning some annoyed looks from the people in front of me, but I ignored them, my eyes tracing scanning each and every person that flowed out onto the stage, my smile broadening when my sister took center stage with Finn, although my eyes did wander over the Latina standing off to the back as the music started, and the glee club leaders’ voices drifted up to me.

_“Face to face and heart to heart. We're so close, yet so far apart. I close my eyes, I look away. That's just because I'm not okay. But I hold on, I stay strong, wondering if we still belong...will we ever say the words we're feeling? Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending? Or will we forever only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be pretending?”_

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered my sister telling me that she, Tina and Santana had written most of the lyrics for their original numbers, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the darker girl had taken our situation into account when she was spouting off lyrics.

“ _How long do I fantasize? Make believe that it's still alive? Imagine that I am good enough, and we can choose the ones we love. But I hold on, I stay strong, wondering if we still belong. Will we ever say the words we're feeling? Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending? Or will we forever only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be keeping secrets safe? Every move we make, seems like no one's letting go. And it's such a shame, cause if you feel the same, how am I supposed to know?”_

Any doubt that this song reflected everything was long gone. Even if it hadn’t been written with both of us in mind, it mirrored everything that had happened this past year, and although I knew it couldn’t have been real, my eyes locked with a certain pair of brown ones on stage, one question ringing through my mind as the music and voiced began to turn into nothing more than an echo in my ears.

Would we ever be able to stop pretending that all of this wasn’t meant to be?

_“Will we ever say the words we're feeling? Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending? Or will we forever only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be...will we always, always, always be...will we always, always, always be...pretending?”_

I knew that my story was only just beginning, that even though this year was over, I wasn’t. This club wasn’t. Everything that had happened, all that I had been put through, all the things I’ve said and done was a part of fate.

It had been my destiny to meet and fall in love with Nicole, and then lose her in one of the most awful of ways. It had been destiny for my sister to let it slip that she was being bullied at school horrifically a year later, that I moved to Lima and met everyone…that I met Santana...the kiss, the attack, moving back to Chicago…it was all that.

Fate.

There are some things that you can’t change. There are storms you cannot weather, but at the end of the day, you’re not promised tomorrow, so live every moment as if it was your last. After all, we’re all nothing but losers from a small town, with big dreams and a lot of hopes and fears.

And no matter how hard you try and fight it, some things you just can’t deny.

After all, who can deny something that’s written in the stars?


End file.
